


Cracked Open

by melismatic



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bromance, Bromance to Romance, Cheating, Divorce, Fluff, M/M, Male Slash, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-09-23 21:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9679850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melismatic/pseuds/melismatic
Summary: Raph saw him disappear and ceased to exist. Yet now it's after and it's been a long time since they won the battle across dimensions. After nearly ceasing in existence things have gotten complicated between Casey and Raph. And these options are scary, messy and everything Raph wants.





	1. Chapter 1: Change

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own TMNT. Love it, don't own it. This is set after Turtles Forever, and after Casey and April are married. If you never saw Turtles Forever, you should watch it! Anyway, this is Raph/Casey. The tag is there for all to see, so if it's not your thing. I understand! This story does not start off with sex scenes, but just know they are coming eventually.
> 
> Each chapter will also have a quote to go with it, I do not make these quotes and I try to give credit where it is due.

* * *

  


_ We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. ~ Harrison Ford _

_   
_

* * *

_ _

Raph sat on the ledge. It had become a ritual where he stared at the destroyed section of the road and then at his three fingered hands. Then his eyes would look over his legs to end at two-toed feet. Finally, they’d go to back to the city street and the giant crater in the middle of it.

Tape all around it. Workers have long gone for the night. It had been weeks, and it was still there. Proof that it happened.

He had been so worried about Casey seeing him in that clown car.  Their other versions van made him want to hide in his shell.

He was sure the jokes were coming as they all met up. Him. His brothers. Their other versions. Then Casey and April. It still felt like they’d win. He could ignore his own racing heart. His sweaty palms. But then Hun was there. And next, he just wasn’t. Nothing behind him was, and they all started to run.

He could still hear their feet running behind them. Legs starting to cramp. Lungs burning.  He didn’t look. He didn’t have to look. The adrenaline pushed him further alongside his brothers. Then he heard it.

The footfalls receded. Raph didn’t need to look, but he did. His heart was caught in his throat as one word escaped.

Casey.

His brothers pulled him. Nudged. But he was rooted to that spot. Not Casey. Please, not Casey. He wanted to refuse to believe the bonehead was gone. He barely heard the shout of his name as he finally got his feet moving. Don kept saying how they’d save them.

Them. It was funny how them hadn’t hit his mind when April was gone too. It was just Casey. Only Casey.

He looked back at his hands again. Green flesh with calloused palms. Shadow pain ghosted over him. Pulled apart. Strained. Gritting his teeth as he refused to give in.

His life. His father Master Splinter. His brothers. Casey. So many images as he finally screamed. He couldn’t save him. He couldn’t help him. The memories flashed, becoming even more vivid. He was there again. Spinning in that contraption and becoming nothing.

He took in a huge breath. He wasn’t gone. Casey was here. They won. And he found out why the vigilante had stopped. He growled low with his hands curling into a fist. One single name popped up. April.

He forced himself to breathe. His muscles tensed and he closed his eyes. The woman was like a big sister to him. To all of them. Yet he avoided her lately. Grinding his teeth together when he saw her. Tight smiles when she joked. He didn’t trust himself alone with her. Too many times he’d been so close to blowing up.

He cared about her. His big sister, but damn if it was hard not to hate her. He didn’t want to hate her, but it was so close. If not for Karai figuring out her father was a full-blown psychopath for wanting to destroy them at the cost of everything, they would be nothing. So, would the world. Their universe and he wouldn’t have saved New York or anyone. Not even Casey.

He exhaled slowly before opening his eyes. Traffic moved. The lights never seemed to sleep. If he were on the street the familiar smell of fumes would hit his nose with the lingering scent that vendors left behind. It was tempting to leave the ledge and go down there. Join the city he protected from the shadows.

He heard horns honking. Curses. And saw the narrow miss of a car accident. His lips twitched at the sight of a burly man getting chewed out by a petite brunette. He almost missed the sound of steps behind him.

Heavy. Spaced Apart. Something on their back. Most likely a bag. Uneven gait. There was something in his hand. Raph snorted as a smirk came across his face.

“Ya tryin’ to sneak up on me, Jones?”

“Damn! How ya knew it was me.”

Raph looked over his shoulder and smirked, “One word, bro. Ninja” he snickered as Casey rolled his eyes.

“Still don’t get it” Casey plopped down next to him as he put down a case of beer between them. “Ain’t like ya got ears.”

Raph snorted while pulling a bottle out the case, glancing at Casey with his hockey mask up and a golf bag full of hockey sticks and a bat.

“I got ears ya idiot. Just don’t look like yours” he popped the cap off the bottle with his sai. A lecture passing through his mind about all the ways you don’t use your weapons. Funny enough it sounded a lot like Leo, leading to him picking up another bottle and opening it the same way before passing it to his best friend.

“I can open my own drink, dodo brain” Casey smirked as he brought the bottle to his lips.

Raph snorted, taking a swig from his own bottle “Ain’t wanna ruin ya dainty hands, princess.”

“Who ya callin’ princess, tortoise!”

“Bonehead!

“Shellbrain!”

Raph laughed as he finished off the bottle in two huge gulps. “Fuck you moron” He glanced at Casey discreetly with a bottle to his lips. He watched him tilt the bottle back as long dark hair stayed in place by the headband of the mask.

“Crazy ain’t it?” Casey looked downwards towards the crater.

Raph’s eyes followed, and he could feel the familiar feeling burning. Anger. Rage. Fury. His brothers would say he had being pissed off to a science. Maybe. Maybe not. He breathed out again as the face of a familiar red head tipped him further to the edge.

He glanced over at Casey, giving a slow nod as he let his eyes go over his best friend.

“Kinda hard to forgot...almost damn died,” Raph mumbled and tossed the bottle, hearing broken glass as he felt eyes on him.

“Yeah, but ya didn’t. Saved the day and all that.” Casey chuckled, but it came out nervous to Raph’s ears. He almost narrowed his eyes, having a feeling what the bonehead may say next.

Silence fell. It was confirmation to Raph as he glanced over at the fidgeting man next to him.

“Just say it, Case…”

Casey gave a deep sigh. “Just...I was talkin’ to Ape again...”

“Uh huh…” Raph’s three fingers drummed on his thigh.

“Just when you gonna talk to her?”

“I do talk to her…”

“Uh...nah, ya don’t. Last time you two were in the same room together, ya said two words before leavin’.”

“Still talkin’.” Raph murmured. It was the best he could do when it came to the former lab assistant. “If she wanna conversation, she can go talk to Don. They both can speak in geek. Just let it go, Jones...”

“Not till ya tell me somethin’. We’re best friends, Raph. I’ve known ya damn near 3 years. Least you could do is explain!”

“Let it go, ya moron!” Raph snapped, every handle on his temper was breaking quickly. He stood up, pacing as the urge to hit something had him clenching his fists. Breathing only seemed to fuel the flame.

“Why?” Casey yelled back. “What the hell could April done to y-”

“You coulda died!” he glared with a loud roar. His nails were digging into his palms as he looked at the dark-haired man looking back at him. He breathed, chest heaving as he watched Casey stand slowly.

“But we didn’t…”

“But ya coulda,” Raph growled. “I keep seein’ it in my head. Over and over again. Maybe losin’ me don’t mean shit to you, Jones. But I can’t...I can’t lose you!”

“An’ ya think I’m good with losin’ you? And what do April gotta do with that?”

“You went back for her….” Raph murmured.

“What?” Casey stepped closer to her.

“You.went.back.for.her.”

“Raph, if I wouldn’t went bac-”

“You woulda made it.”

“Ya don’t know that!”

“I know you! I’ve seen ya keep up with me. Ya fight beside me. And if not for that fuckin’ b-”

“Raph, watch it that’s my wife.” Casey’s eyes narrowed, and Raph tried breathing again. His eyes looking into Casey’s dark ones before he turned his head.

“Whatever,” he mumbled before turning away. He needed something to hit. Something to do. For once he felt he needed to get away from Casey. He didn’t trust his mouth, and he was never one to walk on eggshells.

“Where the hell you goin?”

He heard Casey yell after him as he started to move faster. Even if he stopped to answer, he wasn’t sure what answer to give.

Where? He didn’t have a clue. Just not there. He never had to pretend with Casey before. He never had to watch it with the bonehead, and now he did.

He could hear steps behind him, and he picked up the pace. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore but damn the bonehead wouldn’t let it go.

“Raph! Raphael!”

He stopped and cursed himself, turning around to look at the man only a few strides behind him.

“Why the fuck you left like that?”

“Cuz I can’t!”

“Ya can’t what? I mean…. Damn, Raph” Casey sighed. “April’s my wife so I wanna keep the peace. Try to understand that. An’ ya can’t be disrespectin’ her”

“It ain’t like I want to! I respect the woman like crazy, but right now I don’t want shit to do with her Case. An’ you can tell her that if you want to. “

“I ain’t goin’ home and tellin’ April that one of her little brothers is actin’ like a damn kid” Casey crossed his arms.

“That’s some funny shit. Cuz I barely remember bein’ just a kid sometimes. Must be all the times this damn kid saved all your asses” Raph’s eyes narrowed.

“You’re still only 17…”

“Ya point?” Raph’s brow ridge rose, and Casey’s mouth opened, only to close again. “Yeah, that’s what I thought Jones.”

Raph turned to go. “I need a moment...aight?”

“A moment?” Casey’s expression was perplexed.

“Yep. A moment.” Raph continued walking. He knew he didn’t have to say it though the words felt odd on his tongue. Strange to say it or contemplate it.

Yet maybe this was for the best. To walk away. To be on his own again. Alone with no Casey.

* * *


	2. Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter where Raphael is just trying to figure out who heck Casey Jones is and if this is really his best friend. But on the better scope of things, yay birthday? Because 18 is such a big deal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT. 
> 
> And I need to go and draw a happy Raphael picture...my last drawing has him looking...not too happy. lol 
> 
> Now, remember this is 2003 TMNT, and you might see some 2012 elements....maybe even some others. But this is still 2003 universe with 2003 turtles and all that.

* * *

 

_Somebody asked me if I knew you. A million memories flashed through my mind, but I just smiled and said I used to. - Anon_

Raph could still remember the night he walked away as he laid in his bed. He wanted to say the months flew by, but they dragged.  He had expected it to hurt, but not to hurt this bad.

Casey had stopped coming by the lair. April barely came by and when she did happiness radiated off her as she told how Casey was finally settling down and she’d list her plans. Their plans. Raph didn’t want to hear it or be part of the conversation. He didn’t know what had him more pissed.

The Casey he knew didn’t happily work a nine to five. Casey didn’t worry about things like going back to school or exams. Casey didn’t drink soda instead of beer. There were so many things Casey didn’t do, but he was doing them according to April.

Raph wasn’t sure what had him the most pissed. The fact it no longer sounded like Casey anymore or the absence of the dark-haired man.

He had once called...almost...

It had been a long night. He needed to talk to someone. Anyone. Like he always did with Casey. His brothers had already been urging him to call the man. It was strange dialing the number. Familiar but not anymore. He was about to press send but remembered April mentioning finals.

He really didn’t know this person...

Night patrols with his brothers where they’d run into dragons had him stiffen then rage would take over quickly. Leo would get on him about his temper, about how he was taking things out on the criminals. Especially the dragons. Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t. At least he was doing something. Feeling something besides that damn pain he had for months.

The bed was comforting. Raph traded in his hammock. The hammock still had the writing Casey printed on it one day, and he could no longer look at it.

He was suddenly glad the morning sun couldn’t reach them in the sewers. No light was coming down there unless you counted the basking lights in his room, and they were turned off. It wasn’t like he felt cold. Or anything else for that matter.

One look at the clock and he knew training had started. Another day of fake fights with his brothers, he was going to take a pass on that. He didn’t care. He didn’t feel like it. He just wanted to stay here.

He could hear footsteps at the entrance of his room and groaned at the steady near silent gait as he pulled the covers over his head.

“I know you hear me, Raph. “Leo sighed, and Raph stayed under the cover.

Yeah, but if I ignore ya. Maybe you’ll grow the sense to go away...

“You should be at practice right now.”

Raph could hear shuffling inside his room. He wondered was it too much to go to the dump and find some stuff so he could make a way to lock his room. The worse case scenario wasn’t showing up in his head, but the whole thing would take moving. And he didn’t want to move.

“I’m not leaving, Raphael…”

He groaned, pulling off the cover and looked over at the blue-masked turtle. “No shit, Fearless.” His brother stood with his arms crossed and Raph could already hear the lecture before his older brother’s mouth opened.

“You know you’re only hurting yourself right now.”

Raph’s eye twitched. “Rather I hurt ya instead?”

“Yeah, because hurting me would make you feel so much better.”

“Yes. Yes, it would.” Raph deadpanned.

“Just come on to practice…” Leo shook his head before making his way to leave before stopping at the doorway. “You know...it’s nothing wrong with missing him. But you could just call him. He’s your best friend….”

Raph looked away. The word “was” on the tip of his tongue but he bit it back, only nodding at his brother and nothing else. The empty feeling came over him, and he tried pushing it down. Feeling Leo’s eyes on him as he sat there.

“What ya want, Fearless? I’m comin’. Damn.” he snorted as he looked back at his brother. Forcing himself to get up while ignoring the worried expression on the oldest turtle’s face. He moved past Leo quickly, making his way to the dojo before hearing his brother behind him.

“Maybe...I could ask Master Splinter to give us a break. We could use one…”

Raph paused and looked at Leo while on the edge of staring. His brother missing practice sounded like a crime, and he didn’t want to be the reason.

“And deal with Mikey havin’ nothin’ to do? Nah, I’m good” he snorted and continued his way to the dojo. He noticed the small look of excitement that crossed Leo’s face before the concerned one returned. Maybe if he was lucky, he could avoid his brother’s worrying.

Going into the training area, Raph noticed Mikey and Don following their dad Master Splinter’s form.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Raphael.”

Raph heard the teasing tone but only nodded. His dad’s slight smile fell as he looked at Raph carefully. He faked a smirk, forcing it on his face to avoid any questions but the longer his dad looked at him he could tell he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Leonardo, will show Donatello and Michelangelo how to perfect their katas?”

“Hai, sensei” Leo bowed politely as Raph heard a loud groan from Mikey. Leo went over to a spot away from them, Raph figured it was for more room.

“But we’ve been perfecting them forever” Mikey drew out the last word, adding an extra whine into it. “And I’ll never find out what happens to the Silver Sentry at this rate.”

Mikey looked over at him a long time and cleared his throat. “I said I’ll never find out what happens to…”

“I’m pretty sure he heard you, Mikey” Don gave a small laugh, and Raph didn’t miss the look at him as his purple masked little brother watched him a moment then frowned. Don gave a small smile back towards Mikey, “Come on, let’s go over to Leo.”

“Great...we’ll be doing this for hours.” Mikey gave a loud sigh before going along with Don.

Raph knew his little brother Don was worried. Don was always the worrying type when it came to them, it probably had a lot to do with the fact their brother was also their doctor. He could remember getting a cold once and how Don forced him to stay in bed.

Literally forced. With straps to the bed. Between the medicine and soup, Raph was amazed he didn’t lose his mind.

Raph saw Mikey look back at him a moment and he still couldn’t bring up the energy to give a damn about his baby brother’s usually annoying behavior. He just didn’t care. It was getting harder to do so. He wasn’t sure how much rage counted.

You know Raphael…” His dad’s voice had that soothing tone snapped Raph out his thoughts as his furred paw stroked his beard. His father’s posture within his robes was nothing like you would picture a mutant rat’s to be if you ever took the time to envision a mutant rat stroking their beard.

“Yeah, sensei?” He tried to put some of his usual edge to his tone. Instead, it only made his Brooklyn accent sound only thicker.

“I have discovered that time heals many wounds, but I have also found that time reveals much and many things. Mostly about themselves.” His dad moved a hand to his shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. “Never forget my door is open, no matter your age.”

Raph opened his mouth to say something but stiffened as he heard a long gait and uneven footsteps. He chanced a look, his eyes falling on the dark-haired man with a box in his hand. Instead of his usual jeans and red tank, the man wore a button-up shirt with slacks with some kind of jacket. His sneakers traded for dress shoes but what surprised Raph the most was the hair. No longer long, but shorter.

“Ca-Casey?”

“Yeah…” Casey’s hand moved through the short-cropped style, and Raph gaped at his best friend. He no longer looked like the man he knew. “Let me just...I’ll be in the main room.” He unnecessarily pointed before starting to walk, while holding the box in his hands still.

“Now, your brothers and myself had plans for you, but I made a phone call to Mr. Jones to come by.”

His father smiled and a million questions passed through his mind. One being if the phone survived his father trying to use it. He didn’t feel brave enough to tease the ninja master so chose a safer question instead.

“When...why ya did that?” his voice a whisper.

“Because there are times when a father has to do what a father has to do when it comes to his sons.”

Any other time, Raph would be gagging at the corny line, especially if his dad dared to say it, but right now he couldn’t bring himself to. Only nodding briefly.

“Go ahead. “

Raph nodded again, turning to go before remembering that he came for training. Master Splinter had already made his way to his brothers, correcting Mikey’s form once he was there. He closed his mouth and continued walking before going out, feeling unsure about the man in the next room.

His eyes fell on Casey as soon as he entered. It was still weird. Strange. And wrong. Casey was wild, crazy, a knucklehead and some other things he could think of. Not…

This.

He came closer, stopping in front of the man sitting on the couch, feeling glad he didn’t come closer as Casey jumped up or he’d probably be missing a jaw about now.

He stared at Raph as he stared back. The silence was awkward. Raph couldn’t remember things being that weird. It dragged on, and Raph looked away, unable to look at the man anymore.

“So yeah...it’s been nice…” he mumbled, turning on his heel before feeling a hand grab his shoulder.

“Wait!”

Raph looked back as the hand slowly lifted, and Casey went to the couch to pick up the box and opened it in front of him. His eyes looked down, surprised to see a red and black cake spelling out Happy Birthday but what stood out most was the origami horse decorating it.

He loved doing origami in his spare time, only Casey knew. Just like only Casey knew that he always wanted to ride a horse. His fingers brushed over the careful edges, realizing it was icing and wondering just how long it took to create it.

“I’ve been...goin’ fuckin’ crazy since...since you...”

Raph looked and finally noticed the dark circles under the man’s eyes. The pale skin and the way his clothes hung on him instead of how shirts would be tight against his chest.

“It was for the best…” Raph mumbled.

“How? Tell me how? How the fuck is losin you the best!”

“Cuz…” Raph growled out, feeling his temper starting up.  “I was lookin’ out for ya.

“Lookin’ out for me how? By dumpin’ me?”

“I ain’t dumped you!”

“Yeah, ya did.”

“What the fuck ya want me to say, Casey?” Raph yelled back, getting in his ex-best friend’s face as he did.

“I want! I wan-”

Raph blinked as Casey’s words didn’t finish and the man’s mouth was on his. His eyes closed slowly as a hand went to the man’s hair, pissing him off more at the lack of hair ad he growled in the back of his throat. Casey’s tongue touched his and his own wider one battled against it, he groaned as he felt his shell suddenly hit a wall.

“Yo, Raph!”

He blinked as his mind slowly returned, and he shoved Casey off and tried to catch his breath as his baby brother stepped in.

“Whattya want, Mikey?” he tried not to growl, but it came out anyway.

“I just wanted to say Happy Birthday. Sheesh!”

“Yeah yeah…” he snorted as Mikey grinned.

“Hey, you reacted!” Mikey laughed and hugged him suddenly before Raph groaned louder.

“Mikey…”

“Feel the love, Raphie. Can you feel it?”

Raph’s hand went up against his brother’s head with a loud smack, “Ya feel that, knuckle brain?”

“Ow!” Mikey laughed while rubbing his bald head. “Missed you!”

“Go away, Mikey!”

“I’m going! You guys okay, though? You’re all red and stuff. And you’re kinda hot, Raph. Do you have a fever?”

“GO AWAY!”

“Okay, okay!” Mikey put his hands up in surrender before leaving. Raph’s mind was spinning over what just happened as he looked over at Casey, and the man was touching his lips. His eyes went directly there as images and thoughts hit his brain fast and hard.

“Do...ya want some cake?”

The words barely meant much as Raph’s eyes never left those lips and slowly nodded.

“Cool…” Casey breathed out, making his way to the kitchen as Raph slowly followed with the cake being the last thing on his mind.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I either want to draw that kiss or search the world for someone else to draw it...
> 
> Will it be easy after this? Of course not. On to Chapter 3 LOL
> 
> And yay and thank you for all kudos and comments and all your motivation! Keep doing that!


	3. Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kiss is still on Raph's mind and he has no clue how to deal with it. Nor how to deal with how mad he's feeling. He's never felt this angry at April before, he knows how wrong it is to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still, don't own TMNT and WARNING! I don't feel like it's explicit but there's it does get more steamy in this chapter. So, if that's not your thing, you probably won't like this chapter. Though, I tried to not make it too much for people who don't want pure smut. And honestly this is probably as good at smut that I'll ever get. lol

* * *

 

_ And yes, I’ll admit, I am jealous. I’m jealous of every minute you spend with him, of every concerned expression you send his way, of every tear shed, of every glance, every touch, and every thought. I want to rip him to pieces and purge him from your mind and from your heart. But I can’t.” _

-Colleen Houck

* * *

 

_ “Raph….” _

He blinked awake, hearing Casey’s tone and knowing that the man was not there. He pushed off the covers as the sheets stuck to his sweaty skin, his breathing was ragged. The husky, rugged tone still in his head as he remembered the way the dream Casey whispered his name in his ear.

_ Damn it… _

His hands went to his face, rubbing over it before getting up. He had no clue of time until he was out of his room, the quiet of the lair signaled that it was way too damn early for anything. Especially after the birthday surprise that had been waiting for him in the kitchen once he and Casey went inside.

Decorations galore and his favorite pizza with chocolate sauce on it, courtesy of his baby brother Mikey’s cooking. He was glad to see his brothers there along with his dad, not feeling sure of being alone with Casey with the way his body was still humming and every time he lingered close to the man it sent a shiver down his spine.

It was no better in his room. He was left alone with his thoughts that went back to the man. His mind conjuring up images that had his cheeks heating up and biting his lip. It was damning, infuriating and he wished he had hair to pull.

He had barely slept from the look of things, and Casey was entering his mind once again making him groan at his own traitorous mind. He took deep breaths but it wasn’t working, he wasn’t even sure what would work.

The idea of going out came to mind. The cold air on his skin might help…

Raph moved closer towards leaving the lair before seeing Leo on the couch laying there, still far away enough where he wasn’t noticed yet. Dealing with Fearless was not on his list of things he wanted to do.

With a surly growl, he turned on his. Nearly forgetting not to stomp on his way to the bathroom, feeling out of options as he turned on the shower. He would have preferred April and Casey’s shower instead of their Do It Yourself project of a shower.

He let himself get inside, the water running over his reptilian skin as the thought of April made guilt set in.

He had kissed Casey. Kissed him and enjoyed it.

“Fuck” he muttered while under the shower, clenching his fists as he let his head hit the shower wall in front of him. He shivered as the usually heated water started going cold from the setting he put it, Don would be on his ass about reptiles and prolonged cold temperature, but right now he didn’t care.

No matter what she was still April. Big sister. A woman who looked out for them since the day she met them.  He could already hear the lectures that would come, all agreeing with his own head.

It wouldn’t happen again. It couldn’t. It was just one kiss. Raph touched his lips again, his thoughts melted away as the fresh memory burned him and reached every corner of his mind. Tan skin, muscled arms and damn that hair.

He leaned against the wall, his carapace pressed against the wall, water hitting his plastron and sliding down his thighs. His eyes closed Casey was so vivid in his head as his hand went lower, shivering as his hand traced downwards with his tail slowly starting to unfurl.

“Casey...” he gasped as his hands touched a part of him that was usually hidden. His breathing was ragged as his hand went slow at first, his mind giving him the perfect view of the man swallowing him whole as his hand moved faster.

A chur slipped right behind his moans as he started to feel at his limit, his brain no longer working as he cried out Casey’s name and his knees buckled. He tried bracing himself as he sunk to the shower floor while trying to catch his breath.

He blinked at the white substance coating his hand, being washed away by the water before he shivered violently and suddenly felt exhausted. He was tempted to slip into it, and let sleep take over him. He felt good, so damn good, so why not give in?

His eyes closed before snapping open with the next shiver of his body before he pulled himself up, his legs wobbled as he forced himself from the ice-cold water. He pulled himself up, feeling the cold seep in more as he grabbed a spare towel in the bathroom nearby. His hand nearly slipping before he pulled it around him as he shivered again.

Damn it…

He wrapped it tighter around him, slowly moving out the bathroom and back to his room feeling more like a turtle than usual with each heavy step.

_ Just a few more steps… _

His eyes went to the door, forcing another step as he leaned forward. His eyes closing again before he forced them open.

_ Just a few blankets an’ I’ll be… _

His hand reached out to the doorknob as his eyes closed again, grabbing onto air as he slumped down to the floor.

Raph’s eyes slowly opened to a bright light and the feeling of warmth around him.  He blinked again, willing for the blurry images to come to focus.

“Raph?”

His eyes focused more, looking at his purple masked brother before suddenly being engulfed in a hug. He slightly squirmed after a moment of the affection.

“Don…” he groaned slightly, his voice came out weaker than usual.

“Deal with it, you almost died...” Don’s voice was a whisper as Raph felt his younger brother’s arms tighter around him. He looked away, feeling stupid and guilty as he remembered what happened and he slowly tried sitting up.

“No, you aren’t 100 percent yet. I need make sure your temperature is correct. I wasn’t sure how long you had been in hibernation when I found you and you nee-”

“Don!” his hand quickly went to the scientist turtle’s mouth. “I’m good, aight?” Raph slowly took his hand down after making sure there wouldn’t be more rambling. “Stop worryin…”

“But you weren-”

“But I am now. That’s all that matters. We nearly die all the time anyway every time we face our enemies...and Shredder. I’m fine...promise” He moved a hand to slowly Don’s shoulder and squeezed it awkwardly, trying to comfort his brother best he could.

“I’m just glad I found you…” Don said quietly while Raph agreed inwardly. He could tell Mikey didn’t know, the youngest turtle would have been loudest one in the room, and Leo didn’t, or his older brother would have gone from concerned to giving a lecture. Don was a safe choice but at the same time horrible...

“What I don’t get is how did you even get hypothermia in the lair? I made sure every area has basking lights, and I checked to make sure the temperature in each room was the appropriate level. It’s puzzling…” Don stroked his chin before looking at him. “Maybe I should check you for a fever, you look a bit flushed…”

Don’s hand started to come closer, and he felt his cheeks heat up more as images of the shower came, and he backed his head away. “I’m good.” He swung his legs over to the side of the bed before pulling off the wires his brother attached to him.

“Raph you need rest! You just...”

“Can’t I do that in my room?” he said quickly, not feeling he could look at his brother with everything that was in his mind. He could already feel the need growing, and it was the last thing he wanted Don witnessing. He could quickly take care of the issue in his room.

“You can. Just make sure you take this at least.” Don moved from the small bed they had to the area of his brother’s lab dubbed the medroom before coming back with a thermos and handing it over to Raph who rose a brow ridge at him.

“It’s only water with a few vitamins. Drink all of it and slowly, and at least let me help you to your room.”

“Will it make ya worry less?” Raph smirked a bit.

“Maybe?” Don got a sheepish smile as Raph let out a small chuckle. He doubted his brother would, but he knew the moment he said no Don could get scary about not following doctor orders. He gave a small nod before moving to stand up with Don moving right next to him.

He tried walking without his brother’s support, but Don stayed attached to his side anyway.

“You know, you don’t have to act tough.”

Raph only snorted to that as they continued walking to his room.

“Maybe when Casey gets here later today, you’ll listen to him...April seems to have him acting at least...like a normal human being...”

At Casey’s name, Raph stiffened a moment when the name April came with it. Guilt started to rear its head again along with some other feeling as he pictured the new Casey again. He held back a low growl as his eyes narrowed at the thought of whatever she was doing to the bonehead. He didn't understand why Casey was even listening.

_ He ain’t supposed to listen! _

“Raph?”

“What…” he tried not to growl, feeling his nails dig into his palms before seeing the doorknob of his door and slowly uncurling a fist to turn it.

“You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Peachy…” he mumbled as the door opened, the urge to hit something made his hands twitch as he sat on the bed.  He looked down at the floor as he felt his rage boiling over. Thoughts poured in his head of every laugh, and smile the two had. Then the wedding...

He was the best man at that wedding. He had worked extra hard just for Casey to make sure it would be possible. He had pushed his brothers from the sidelines and did what he could.  The words hit him as he remembered the vows then the “I do.” Casey wasn’t his anymore.

“Raph maybe I should…”

Raph slowly looked up, his eyes went to his brother who slowly moved backward as he blinked at him. The lab was his brother’s territory, but this was his. And right now, he felt on edge.

“Just ...make sure you drink the water...” Don backed away more, before walking away quickly. Raph’s hands closed around the sheets at his side.

He was burning as he thought of April. How dare she change him…

_ He’s fuckin’ lettin’ her… _

He held his face in his hands, trying to let it ebb away and fight every instinct to go after the woman with his new feelings about her. Feelings he only saved for their enemies. Ones he couldn’t beat. People that hurt his family.

The phone rung on the bed, his hand snatching it up in a grip that would be too much for an ordinary phone.

“What?” he breathed out.

“Can I see ya?”

He blinked, the feeling washed away to a new one as his heart sped up. He swallowed, “What bout April…”

“Do ya gotta ask bout her right now?” the voice on the other end was soft yet tired, something else in it Raph couldn’t describe.

His mind screamed that yes the fuck he does, but he bit it back. “Nah…”

“So, can I come?”

He had no clue what time it was. Or if the practice was soon. Time was a damn mystery, and yet he let it hang with all the other things he needed to worried about as he replied.

“Yeah.”

He wondered if hell had rentals he could afford.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, who thinks he's calling Raph for a cup of sugar?


	4. In The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Casey shows up and Raph still doesn't get this new Casey. Nor does he want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I don't own TMNT. This is based in 2003 Universe with some other TMNT universe elements as always. This chapter has a small mature section. 
> 
> I looked over this chapter and ....I'm not confident about it. Still, I did my best, and hope you guys enjoy it. Please give comments, criticization, and kudos. I accept all three!

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_ "She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom." _

- _ John Green _

* * *

 

He thought about meeting him instead, just to make sure the bonehead wouldn’t get caught. Casey was no ninja like him, and his footsteps would maybe be heard. He had checked the time, it was still too early for his brothers to be up and Don had retired from the lab. His dad wasn’t even up yet, or he’d be smelling his dad’s favorite tea.

He had gotten ready after Casey’s phone call, feeling naked without the wraps around his arms and legs, his pads and his red mask. Now he was just sitting on the bed waiting. His leg bounced, and he watched the door, exhaling a long breath as he glanced at the clock again and kept his ears trained for any movement.

“Shit…” The sound of a loud thud outside the door has his eyes widening, and he quickly got up opening the door at the sound of footsteps closing in. His heart pounded as he looked around, immediately grabbing Casey’s arm pulling him into his room and closing the door. He ignored the confusion written on the dark-haired man’s face as he leaned against the door and started eyeing Casey.

“Ya tryin’ to wake up everyone?” Raph’s tone was sharp as he watched the man rub the back of his neck.

“My bad.” Casey sighed and looked around the room. He faced the bed, and he looked back quickly at Raph with confusion written on his face. “What happened to ya hammock?”

Raph looked behind him to the new bed and just shrugged not wanting to answer.

“Just...felt like something new?” Casey asked, and Raph merely nodded, though the man didn’t look convinced. He kept his ears trained, but he didn’t hear anything else, only the sounds of his room and Casey’s breathing as well as his own. 

Raph looked back at Casey, and it suddenly felt awkward. He wasn’t even sure what to do next. Silence had taken over, and he folded his arms, hating it before he let his mind wander.

“Raph, about last nigh-” Casey started to say, but Raph interrupted.

“I can’t stop thinkin’ bout it…” He looked up and glared at Casey. “I keep tryin’ though and it’s really fucked up. I know it’s fucked up.  And it’s worse cuz I don’t wanna hate her. I don’t wanna do ...this to her.” he gestured between himself and Casey.  “But I still can’t stop…” His shoulders sagged as he blurted it all out.

“Me neither,” Casey admitted with a deep sigh. “Ya wanna just go do something?” Raph rose his brow at the question. “I mean…Damn…just see if some punks need their asses handed to them or somethin’?”

Raph took one long look at the human in front of him with his short hair, cropped hair. He could see the circles under Casey’s eyes and the way his dress clothes hung off him. Raph was trying to picture it, but the image was no longer clicking in his head.

“Are ya even still that guy, Case?”  He ignored the offended look Casey gave him.

“Real funny, Raph,” Casey snorted. “Let’s go.” Casey looked at him on the door, and Raph took a long look at him before he smirked.

“Aight, Jones” he lifted himself from the door. He went over to his weapon locker, picking up his sais and putting them to his belt along with anything else he needed in the pouches along the belt. Within the wraps on his arms and legs, he hid knives and kunai. He made sure his elbow and knee pads were right, along with his mask. 

Raph went over to the door, and past Casey. Accidentally brushing against him as a shiver went through him that he tried to ignore and his hand stayed on the door knob. The spot burned, and he breathed heavy.

_ Damn it… _

“Raph...”

Husky. Rough.  _ Please, stop fuckin’ talkin’… _

“Ya okay?”

_ Fuck… _

“Ya need to worry bout yaself, princess.” Raph laughed, hoping it came out right as he quickly opened the door. “Come on bonehead, we ain’t got all day” he tried to keep his voice steady. He could hear Casey following him as they left the lair quietly. Him quieter than Casey unfortunately.

He breathed easier once they reached the sewer tunnels farther from the lair and made it top side, fresh air graced his nose and he breathed it in. The lair itself wasn’t bad, the area was a long-abandoned home of sorts underground that they found after their old one was trashed. Once out the lair though, he was reminded of where they lived.

Away from the humans. Not part of them.

The wind cooled his skin as he found the nearest fire escape in the alley they were in, and he started up the stairs. “We stoppin’ at the spot first?”

“Yeah...” Casey grunted, and Raph pulled himself up over the ledge. He tried not to laugh as he looked down at the human’s slight struggle to get up.

“Need some help, Princess?”

“Just a bit rusty” Casey smirked and pulled himself over. He dusted himself off as Raph looked him over.  Casey stretched and rubbed his limbs, giving Raph a look as though daring him to make another insult. “Let’s just get going…”

_ That would be too easy, Jones… _

Raph watched the man start moving and just hoped that Casey could still make the jumps. It was rough to watch and hear as they made their way there. Casey wasn’t keeping up with him like before, and a few jumps had been luck. Pure luck.  The moment they made it to the spot and Raph leaned against the back of a billboard, he was starting to rethink the decision to be out here.

“Ya sure bout this, Casey?” Raph looked over at the man, as Casey found his hidden duffel bag. He watched him rummage through it, and his mouth started to gape open as the man undressed. He’d seen Casey without a shirt plenty of times, yet this time was different.

“Am I sure bout what?” Casey held a tank in his hand, and he was just in some jeans that were hanging onto his hips that he put on. Casey had lost weight and only had hints of a six pack now.  Raph gulped at the slight trail of hair that went downward and looked away quickly. His cheeks felt on fire, and now he had a new problem as he tried to take steady breaths.

“Ya okay?”  Casey moved in front of him, still shirtless. The tank over his shoulder as Raph just stared at him while Casey was so close. Raph’s mouth hung open as a hand came closer. His body hummed, his heart raced.

“Yeah, fine. Straight.” Raph said quickly as he dodged the hand, a pained look flashed over Casey’s face as his hand dropped. Raph’s mouth opened to say something else before other noises below alerted him and he moved to the edge of the roof while crouched.

He quickly spotted some guys at the back of a store and a truck nearby. There was a guy at the door, Raph could tell he was nervous from his jittery movements. He could hear the group behind a guy, trying to rush him to pick the lock, and he doubted this was a friendly meeting.

“What do we have here.” Casey chuckled. “They look lost, how about we help ‘em out?”

Raph looked back at Casey, the white tank was now on along with gloves and a hockey mask with a hockey stick in hand.   A golf bag was on his back and Raph could see the clubs sticking out, a bat and more hockey sticks. He chuckled, it almost felt like old times as he looked back below.

“Sounds good.”  Raph cracked his knuckles and made his way down below in the shadows. He could hear Casey moving, but it didn’t matter. They didn’t need stealth for these idiots.

“Who’s there?” One looked around, and a few more followed suit. They looked ready to spring at any movement.   _ Don’t bother tryin’ to run… _ It was too late for them as Raph bashed two goons’ heads together.

“Two down…” Raph smirked as the others took full notice of him, and they tried to scatter. Only for one to run straight into a hockey stick.

“Three, Raph, can’t ya count? “Casey laughed, and Raph threw a middle finger up before they took care of the rest of the idiots. 

The ground was soon covered, and Raph licked a busted lip as his chest heaved. He felt higher than he had in a long time and looked at the groaning bodies that littered the alleyway.

“Maybe we should wrap em up, leave the cops a present.” Casey laughed, and Raph looked over at the man with a black eye. Cuts, scrapes, and bruises were all over him, and Raph was sure he was a match. The guys had turned out to not be your ordinary robbers and called in some help.

Casey was grinning, though, sounding lighter to Raph’s ears even as they piled the dummies up and Casey placed an anonymous tip on his cell phone. Time passed, and soon he could hear sirens and Raph quickly made his way back up, hearing his best friend behind him. They didn’t leave too far from the spot, going far enough to not be seen but close enough to enjoy the show as they sat on the ledge.

“Damn, I shoulda bought a beer.” Casey pulled the mask up and raised his fist as Raph bumped his own to the man’s, and then their hands clasped. Fire surged through him, and he looked in those dark eyes. The fire behind them that matched his own, Raph came closer and groaned as their mouths touched.

Raph needed more as he gripped Casey’s hair best he could, keeping him close as the metallic taste of blood touched his tongue after he brushed it against Casey’s lips. He moved, stumbling backward, and Casey fell on top of him. He could feel the bulge hidden in Casey’s jeans as he kissed the man under him. Nails dug into his scalp, making him groan.

Raph felt dizzy as he pressed against Casey. He needed more as he started grinding his body against Casey’s.  Suddenly they flipped with Caser on the bottom, and hands were on his shoulders then tracing his shell. He moved again, grinding against that spot that only seemed to get larger.

“Raph…” Casey moaned, and Raph shivered at the sound as Casey bucked harder against him.  _ Don’t stop… _ Raph groaned, not knowing if he said it out loud or not, but there was no way he was going to stop moving. And he sure as hell didn’t want Casey to stop.

“Not so fast…or I’m gonna…” Casey gasped, his mouth open as Raph kept moving. He was barely holding back from revealing himself. His lips went to Casey’s neck kissing along it then biting at a spot. He gasped as the man writhed under him. He sucked harder on that spot, turning Casey to a mess as the man squirmed beneath him.  He was nothing but moans and damn if Raph didn’t love it.

He moved a hand under Casey’s shirt, tracing upwards to his chest. He felt a hand on his tail, and Raph let out a loud churr from a squeeze to it. His eyes widened at his own sound, and he jumped off, his body humming.  Raph trembled with a new need as he stared at Casey still panting on the roof floor.

He tried to catch his breath, his mind catching up to what just happened as he watched Casey slowly sit up and look away.  _ What the hell I’m doin’? I almost… _

Raph swallowed harshly, plopping down on the floor and listening to the city around him. Still moving. Still breathing.  The same city April was in and he almost…

He clenched his fists together and soon felt a hand on his. Raph looked at Casey wordlessly then back at their hands. His five-fingered one fit over his three fingered one. They were so damn different yet…

His eyes went to the bruises on that arm then upwards as he found more until he was looking into those eyes again. He could feel himself being pulled in until he glanced at the short hair. Way too short and wrong.

“It’s like ya two people…” Raph muttered, trying to ignore every part of him screaming for Casey right now.

“Huh?” Casey looked at him, and Raph just shook his head.

“I don’t know who the fuck ya are anymore, Case.”

“What?” Casey blinked at him, his mouth gaped open, and his eyes narrowed. “What the hell that’s s’ppose to mean, Raph?”

“Exactly what I said.” He snorted, feeling frustrated and on edge. “Have ya looked at yaself? When ya walked in my room tonight, ya look like one of ‘em mooks we’d laugh at. And what the hell happened to ya hair?”

“April said in the business world, longer hair is frowned upon,” Casey mumbled and reached up into his hair with his free hand. Raph saw the slight frown on the man’s face before Casey dropped his hand.

“And the clothes too? School?”

“Look, yeah…it was April’s idea. She just…she wants what’s best for me but who says I never wanted it?”

“Did ya?” Raph’s eyes narrowed. “And what’s best for ya? Last I checked ya had a mom.”

Casey’s mouth opened then closed before opening again, “Sh-she’s...”

“She’s what? Cuz ya changed. And if this what ya wanted then fine. I’ll let it go. I won’t even mention shit to ya again, but I don’t think ya do!”

“How ya figure that?” Casey yelled back.

“If ya did you wouldn’t be out here with me!”  Raph yelled. “You wouldn’t be doing this!” he gestured between them with his free hand then held up their hands, still clasped together.

Casey looked at their hands then back at Raph. Those dark eyes searched his and Raph felt him squeeze his hand and pulled Raph close. That mouth crashed upon his, turning his world more upside down. Making it hard to think. Rough, hot kisses that burned away as thoughts of April and the rest of the city he called home.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gives Casey and Raph a brochure to hell*
> 
> If you guys like Casey/Raph stories, I have others that I hope you would like. Thank you for reading!


	5. Forbidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph knows it's wrong. He feels the guilt and everything else. But he can't deny what he's feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the time since the last post. I would love to say I won't be slow but....life is crazy and hectic right now. Besides from that, thank you for enjoying the story. I don't own TMNT. And make sure you guys go to the TMNT 2016 competition ballots to read the amazing stories on there!
> 
> I accept kudos, criticism, and just comments to tell me what you think so far. It means the world to me!

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**“How can something so wrong feel so right?”**

**― Tabitha Suzuma, Forbidden**

 

* * *

 

“What are you wearing…”

“Same damn thing I was wearing this morning ya idiot” Raph smirked, though Casey couldn’t see it, as the phone pressed to his ear while he was in the bathroom. He had been about to take a shower after this morning’s training session with his dad and brothers before he heard his phone and Raph saw Casey’s name lit up on the screen.

“I ain’t see ya this mornin’.” Casey laughed.

“Yeah, who fault that is?” Raph chuckled.

“Good point. So... ya busy tonight?”

Raph could feel a shiver down his spine. It had been a few months since they started this thing and Casey soon figured out that Raph loved that husky tone. The moment Casey did, he’d used it whenever he got the chance to. Whether it was while on the phone or when they’d go out at night.

He thought about the question before remembering that Leo told them they had patrol tonight, but Raph was tempted to go see Casey anyway. He opened his mouth to agree then groaned as his family’s faces came to mind. He couldn’t do it.

Missing training was one thing, missing patrol was another. Raph knew he’d be putting his brothers at risk, and he’d never be able to face them after that, or his dad or himself even.

“Got patrol, so another time, Casey.”

“I’m not busy now if you ain’t,” Casey suggested, and Raph thought about it. Training was done, his brothers were stuck in front of some old western. It was one of the few genres they could all agree on, he blamed Casey for bringing it in for them to watch.

“Ya that nervous bout ya first day of class?” Raph was curious and also worried. Casey had just changed his major during the semester, that had happened after a fight between the two of them. It wasn’t that Raph didn’t agree with Casey going to school, he just disagreed with him doing it for April and straight out told him he’d fail if he didn’t do it for himself.

They fought, but Casey ended up changing his major.

“Technically ain’t my first day. I been here” Casey chuckled.

“Ya know what I mean, bonehead…”

“Yeah, yeah. I guess I’m just…” Casey sighed. “April really wanted me to be one ‘em them CEO business dudes, ya know?”

Raph snorted, “But what you wanna do Case? Cuz if ya don’t wanna do the school thing then don’t...if you do then do.”

“She’ll be pissed if I leave entirely though, so I can do this much…”

“Then go to class.” Raph laughed, trying to ignore the frustration he felt at Casey when it came to April.

“Yeah, but then when would I see ya?”

Raph could hear the pout and bit his tongue not to say the first thing he was thinking. A big part of him screamed for Casey to just tell her off. He was the last to not speak his mind, but one thing scared him. And that one thing was losing Casey completely. A piece of Casey was better than nothing, and Raph was afraid if he pushed the man from April he’d lose what little he had.

“Soon, Jones…” He murmured the words.

“Raph…you know you can still talk to me, right?”

He bit his tongue harder and almost laughed. No, he couldn’t. In some ways, he and Casey were closer now. In others, they were far apart, and it drove Raph up the wall since he missed his best friend.

“I got some hours, I’m sure we’ll make it work like usual, Case.”

“Yeah, ya gotta point, babe.”

Raph’s cheeks heat up, and he started to eye the phone. “Stop callin’ me that!”

“Why, babe?” Casey chuckled, drawing out the word as Raph’s blush got worse.

“Because…” Raph mumbled.

“Because wh-”

“Casey! Can you help me with the bags!”

Raph’s heart dropped like it always did when he heard April’s voice. His big sister’s voice once made him feel good and even hopeful. Now it just twisted like a knife in his gut, reminding him even more of the reality of the situation more than that wedding band on Casey’s finger. He could take his eyes off the band, but April’s voice wasn’t as avoidable.

“Yeah, babe! I’m comin’!”

Raph’s eyes narrowed as he heard Casey. If pulling the man through the phone and kicking his ass was an option he’d be doing it right now. He hated her. He hated him. They were perfect for each other. He gritted his teeth together, the grip on the phone tightening.

“Yo Raph ya there?” His voice was lower now than it was before.

“I dunno, babe” he bit out the words with an icy tone.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothin’...bye, Casey” he snorted and hung up the phone. Damn, his heart hurt. He took a deep breath, reminding himself about the shower as he got in. The water soothed his muscles, and he slowly relaxed. Raph unclenched a fist he didn’t realize he made. More deep breaths and after washing himself off, he almost felt like not killing Casey.

Coming out of the bathroom, he wrapped a towel around himself and hoped for a lack of his brothers since he still needed a moment of silence. Making his way down the hall and to his room, he narrowly avoided Mikey on a skateboard as he jumped out the way.

“Watch where ya goin’ Mikey!” Raph snapped before watching his brother stop in midair. He was tripping Don for making that damn thing right about now.

“Sup bro?” Mikey laughed. “You cool? You look angrier than usual.” Mikey put his hands out and reached out to touch his cheeks as Raph snapped his teeth at his brother’s hand. He just wanted to go to his room, and his baby brother was the last person he felt like dealing with right now.

“Hey!” Mikey pulled his hand back quickly. “We aren’t snapping turtles!”

“Ain’t you lucky…” Raph mumbled as Mikey came down from the air on his rocket skateboard and kept staring at Raph.

“I thought you’d be happier after beating Leo this morning. Or are you mad because Sensei said stop?”

“Go away, Mikey…” Raph groaned and made his way to his room, moving past his brother as fast as his legs could take him.

“Or is it because I borrowed your helmet? I said I’d replace it!”  Mikey pouted, and Raph rolled his eyes.

“And I still don’t get how ya broke it. But stop tryin’ to guess.” Raph went to his room opening the door as he heard his baby brother right behind him.

He rolled his eyes as he grabbed for a red mask from his closet. He felt Mikey close behind him, his brother’s breathing right against his ear before he shoved him to the side.

“Mmhm. Red is definitely your color.”

“Really, Mikey? What was ya first guess? The other million times ya seen me in one? Or the fact I been wearin the same color since we was six…”

“I’d say the second one….” Mikey’s finger tapped on his chin and Raph moved forward, grabbing his baby brother to steer him towards the door.

“Is this about April!”

“Huh?” Raph stiffened, suddenly stopping as Mikey was at the door. His heart pounded, and he stared at the youngest turtle. Mikey knew? It seemed insane. Crazy. It was Mikey for crying out loud.

“Just...I don’t know. You don’t seem to like her much lately. Did she do something to you?” Mikey frowned at him, and Raph stared, unsure what to say as his hand stayed on the youngest turtle.

“I....no. I dunno what ya talkin bout.” he said quickly, trying to keep his voice straight.

“You sure?”

Raph took a deep breath and gave a smirk, “Yes, I’m sure, ding dong. Now get out my room already and stop worryin.”

“Fine. But I’m making your favorite pizza anyway!” Mikey yelled as Raph pushed him the rest of the way out and closed the door behind him. Raph leaned against it blinking. He didn’t try to treat April different, but damn if Mikey noticed. He rubbed the back of his neck feeling unsure of what to do next.

He threw the towel somewhere and sat on the bed with his head in his hands. Maybe he needed advice, but getting the advice was the hard part. He preferred his brothers not being in this. More so Leo. He already knew how the turtle in blue would react to this whole thing. He wasn’t the only one that April acted like a sister to.

He could already feel the guilt eat at him as it did from time to time. Everything April’s done for them. She even let them stay in her place when they had nowhere to go, and he does this…

His eyes shut tight as the dark-haired man came up in his mind. Short hair now a bit longer since Casey started growing it out. Kisses that grew heavy and hot. Him holding him. Him daring to touch him. Raph bit his lip.  Casey had only once tried to touch his tail, and that was their first kiss, after that time the man hadn’t tried again, but it probably had a lot to do with Raph’s reaction.

At that moment as his body flushed with uncontrolled heat. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. His body screamed for more…

And it scared the shit out of him.

He couldn’t explain, and Casey didn’t push out for an explanation, the man seemed fine with them just kissing though Raph if he had to admit it to himself he wanted more. More meant Casey accepting him and all those differences.

His eyes went to his three green fingers, so different from Casey’s five.

He groaned at his own thoughts. What the hell was he doing? This was April’s husband. He toasted their damn wedding. Yet now…

It was wrong. It was so damn wrong, but Raph couldn’t remember when he last felt more right than when he does with Casey…

And that scared him even more.

 

* * *

 


	6. Best Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph isn't looking forward to the family dinner and Casey tries to play footsie to get Raph's attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! My updating sucks, I know. lol 
> 
> Okay, so I don't own TMNT and my 2003 turtle drawing is horrible. Just throwing that out there. lol I hope you guys are enjoying the story and I'm so glad for your comments! It lets me know you guys are reading and I love your questions as well. Definitely, ask away! Thank you for your kudos and criticisms as well. 
> 
> And if you noticed, each chapter begins with a quote. If you have some quotes of your own you'd like to share, let me know. I might even use it!

* * *

 

"I may not be happy with you right now, but I still love you."

— **Janet Gurtler** ( **How I Lost You** )

 

* * *

 

 

April coming over for dinner was nothing new. On the plus side, he’d see Casey. On the bad side, he’d see Casey.

 

He didn’t want to even talk to the man after hanging up on him a few days ago. When he did talk, Raph answered in one word or why he was too busy to see the man.

 

Now he couldn’t avoid him and there was no way he was actively going to run from the human. Avoidance was one thing. Running like a coward was another.

 

“Something still isn’t right…”

 

Raph looked over at his older brother and narrowed his eyes as Leo stroked his chin and looked over the table setting. His eyes narrowed at the blue-masked turtle. If his brother had them change the setting one more time, he was reaching for his sai and whacking Leo with the hilt.

 

“I think it looks fine” Don spoke up, sounding as tired as Raph was annoyed by their older brother. Mikey had been sent out the area after getting bored and practicing frisbee with a few dishes. Their dad was now having him do backflips, Raph was sure Mikey would still be an idiot even after that.

 

“I’m not sure. Maybe Sensei should take a look at it…”

 

“Fearless, it’s a table. Ain’t many ways you can set a damn table. Why we callin’ dad bout a table?” Raph threw his hands up in the air.

 

“Not true, Raph, there’s actually quite a few ways just based on how formal the dinner is alone. In fact….”

 

Raph cut his eyes at his purple masked younger brother. “Not my point, Brainiac”

 

“Having our father’s opinion isn’t a terrible thing.” Leo sighed.

 

“Nah, but ya don’t gotta ask him bout every little thing, Leo!”

 

“I don’t ask him about everything.” Leo’s arms crossed and looked at him.

 

Raph snorted at his older brother. “Ya do.”

 

“I’m not going to argue with you about this.” Leo’s arms dropped and he moved past him, making Raph irritated at Leo’s calm demeanor as he looked after his brother.

 

“I’ll go ahead and get dad and Mikey. Casey and April should be here soon.”

 

Raph stiffened and looked at Don, “Nah, I’ll do it. You ain’t gotta do that.” He gave a quick grin and started moving before his brother could question it. There was no way in this world he was going to be the first to see the happy couple come inside.

 

Going over to the training area he saw Mikey practicing the same kata that their Sensei was doing. Raph nearly snickered as he watched his baby brother with an expression that screamed help and boredom.

 

His dad looked in his direction, and Raph couldn’t even see the effort his dad was making to keep his stance still. He moved closer and bowed slightly, holding back the urge to tease his baby brother.

 

“It’s almost time for Casey and April to show up”

 

“Knowing April, she’ll be a few minutes early so we better get going.” Master Splinter chuckled before looking at Mickey. “That is enough Michelangelo.”

 

“Thank you!” Mikey groaned and dramatically fell to the floor as Raph rolled his eyes at his baby brother’s antics.

 

He nudged his brother with his foot, “Think he’s gonna live Sensei?”

 

“Hm, if not we could always sell his comics” his dad’s voice was teasing as Mikey got right up.

 

“It’s a miracle! I’m cured” Mikey grinned and Raph gave a smirk as his brother and father started making their way out the training area. Raph didn’t move, he hadn’t heard Casey or April yet, but that only made him in even less of a hurry to get to where everyone was. Being around Casey wasn’t on his to-do list.

 

Minutes past and he growled at his own antics. _What the hell I’m doin?_ He looked towards where to go and rubbed the back of his neck. _Yep, I’m movin’. Any moment now._

 

He started hearing laughter and loud voices along with it. He recognized Mikey anywhere but his heart skipped a beat at Casey’s voice. Over the past few months, that voice undid him and right now it was doing the same as he felt the urge to kiss him. Raph’s eyes narrowed at the thought and he felt more determined to stay pissed at the man. The only thing that needed to meet Casey’s mouth was his fist.

 

He started moving, trying to ignore the heavy Brooklyn accent until a woman’s voice made him stop in his tracks. His dad along with April. She was laughing and he could hear her smile in her words.

 

He couldn’t move as he tried to remember the last time they were in a room together. He next tried to remember their last conversation, coming up with little to nothing in both ways.  

 

Raph looked at the floor. He felt tempted to go in there and tell everyone he didn’t feel well. Or come up with some lie. He shook his head at himself. _Dis is stupid…_

 

“Is Raph coming?” He heard April ask as he started moving again.

 

“I thought he was right behind me and dad.” Mikey sounded perplexed and Raph moved faster. He didn’t want to explain to Mikey what took him too long. The orange masked turtle would make a huge deal out of whatever he said.

 

Raph got closer to the table and Casey hit his eyes first. The shirt that was once loose a few months before was close to being tight fitting across the man’s broad chest once again. As much as he loved how it looked on the man, he was eyeing the piece of clothing. Was it possible to hate a shirt?

 

He quickly snapped out of it, trying to ignore the dark locks that framed a face looking directly at him.

 

“About time you showed up!” Mikey laughed. “We were gonna send out a search team next.” Mikey laughed and Raph threw up a middle finger as he plopped down in his seat.

 

“If you was head of it, I’d never get found.” Raph laughed as Mikey let out a fake gasp.

 

“Hey!”

 

“What were you doing anyway? April was telling us about a new job offer she got.” Leo looked over at him and Raph only grunted. He chose to look at his plate instead of at the red headed woman. He grabbed his fork and dug into his food.

 

“I won’t just be a lab assistant either. I’ll be head of a team.” April sounded like she was beaming, and Raph felt guilt gripping him.

 

“Did you get any more information about it yet?” Don asked.

 

“Not yet. I’ll be finding out more at the end of the week. I’m really excited you guys. It could mean a big change.” April laughed “Now only if someone was on board with me…”  Raph had nearly missed that soft muttering.

 

“I am on board with ya Ape…” Casey sighed.

 

“Um, no you’re not.”

 

“Is everything cool?” Mikey spoke up and Raph looked over to see his baby brother pouting.

 

“Yes. Peachy. Fine.” April’s tone was snippy.

 

“Um, okay…” Mikey looked confused, glancing at Raph with a shrug as he started to eat his food again. The sudden silence was weird, but Raph was glad to concentrate solely on his food.

 

That relief left as he felt something nudge his foot. Raph nearly jumped and looked up, he already knew who that foot belonged to. His eyes went to Casey and he saw the man about to speak, but Raph only looked back at his plate again.

 

“So…” Master Splinter cleared his throat. “I remember my master Yoshi when he would take on something new. He always did so with determination, I always felt honored to just watch such accomplishments”

 

“And that’s exactly what I’m trying to tell Casey, Sensei.” April sounded exasperated. “That people watch you and what you do.”

 

“April I don’t thin-”

 

“What?” Casey shouted as he interrupted Leo. “What ya mean by that?”

 

“It’s like you took a step backward, Casey. You were in school learning something important. You were even looking like you wanted to do something more with your life.”

 

“And what more should I be doing with my life, April?” Casey snapped.

 

“More than what you went back to doing.”

 

“Yeah, cuz protectin’ the city is beneath me…” Casey mumbled.

 

“That’s not what I mean Casey and you know it!” April yelled back and Raph felt annoyed as he gripped his fork tighter. “I just feel you lack direction and you need t-”

 

“Stop tryin’ to change who he is! Eitha accept it or dun! If he wanna get betta, you support him. Not force him to do wat ya want!” Raph roared and the table was silent. April’s was slack-jawed as Raph pushed away from the table.

 

He was shaking with anger as the words repeated in his head and he stood up. Raph could feel all the eyes on him, yet he didn’t bother saying a word as he left the table and made his way to his room. The look on April’s face was ingrained in his memory as he opened the door then went to close it but a foot kept it jarred open.

 

“Move it or lose it,” Raph growled, not feeling above stabbing a few toes with his sai.

 

“So, NOW ya talk to me?” Casey forced the door open the moment Raph’s grip on it loosened and Raph crossed his arms while looking at the human.

 

“Been talkin…”

 

Casey rolled his eyes. “I called this mornin’. Ya said hello. A few grunts. And bye. Unless ya turnin’ to a gorilla, that don’t count.”

 

“And here I thought you was half way there.” Raph snorted.

 

“Real cute. Look I just wanna talk to ya.”

 

“I ain’t got shit to say to ya, Casey”

 

“Makes it even better, means ya won't interrupt.” Casey folded his arms, and Raph rolled his eyes as the dark-haired man continued. “It’s diff with you”

 

“What?” Raph lost his train of thought as he looked over at the man. He watched Casey come closer and take a deep breath.

 

“Babe. When I say it…”

 

Raph brow ridge rose and shrugged at him as he tried to act nonchalant. “I don’t give a fuck who ya ca-”

 

“When I say it to ya, it’s more than that!” Casey yelled and as Raph’s mouth shut. Casey reached for one of his hands and it took everything in Raph for him not to snatch away.

 

 “You’re my friend…My best friend.” ….” Casey looked at him steadily, squeezing Raph’s hand and intertwining their fingers as he continued. “My partner. My...” He faltered, but Raph didn’t dare interrupt as the man smirked. “The one I can call when shit hits the fan and I’m still figuring out what all I’m feeling when it comes to ya.”

 

“What’s ya point, Jones?” Raph asked quietly, looking at their fingers and how different they looked. Yet, here they were together. Five tan fingers with three green ones.

 

“My point is…” Casey lifted his chin, forcing Raph to look in his eyes. “Get pissed at me. Get mad. Get angry. But don’t shut me out. Cuz I need...” Casey’s breathed out letting his head rest against his. “I need to know we okay. So... are we?”

 

Raph was at a loss for words, and his free hand reached up to touch Casey’s face. _How da hell ya make me feel like this?_ He didn’t get it or understand it. He wondered should he bother wondering and just be happy. He let out a chuckle and smirked, watching Casey’s brows pinch together in confusion. “Nope…”

 

“What?” Casey blinked and that one word sounded laced with pain and confusion. Instead of answering Raph pulled back, and swung back his free hand. Casey didn’t have time to dodge as he punched the man in the jaw.

 

“Now we good.” Raph flexed his fingers as Casey rubbed his jaw with a growl.

 

“Cheap shot...” He licked a new busted lip and smirked back at Raph.

 

 

Raph only laughed, not noticing as Casey moved in again. He pulled Raph by his hand until he was against Casey.

 

“Stay wit me…” Casey whispered against the hole of his ear and Raph couldn’t think of anywhere else he rather be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Love it? Hate it? Let me know!


	7. The Brakes Are Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner still is going on, but Casey and Raph are in their own little world. Until Leo bursts their bubble at least. Too bad? Let's see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't own TMNT! And this is the next chapter. A number of chapters in this story will be a bit over 30, at least that's how I'm seeing it. So we still have a rollercoaster to ride! So yay? lol And thank you for your questions, comments, and kudos! I'm loving it! And your suggestions are awesome! 
> 
> In other news, I seriously need to draw Casey and Raph more. Lately, I've been drawing Mikey and April LOL. No Casey and Raph in sight.

 

> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> “Even though we were never supposed to be together…I can’t be with anyone else, no matter the consequences.”
> 
> ― **Nicole Gulla** , **The Lure of the Moon**

* * *

 

“Casey…”

“Hm?”

Dark eyes looked over at Raph, and the urge to have those lips back on him made him shiver, and he nearly forgot everyone outside again. Dinner hadn’t stopped them from an intense make-out session that ended up in his bed. Though it didn’t get any farther than that before Raph needed to calm his own hormones. Thoughts of going further crossed his mind. _Damn, why everyone gotta be here…_

Raph stretched out on the bed, letting his eyes roam over the human beside him. He reached out with his hand, letting his fingers trace over the man’s arm until the shirt sleeve caught them. He eyed the shirt like it was their worst enemy the Shredder.

“Can ya take this off?” He tugged at the shirt while looking at Casey and eyed the smirk coming onto the man’s face.

“So ya like me without a shirt, huh?” Casey’s smirk grew, and Raph narrowed his eyes at him.

“Don’t make me punch ya again.”

“Ya know domestic abuse is frowned on in relationships.” Casey laughed, but Raph stared at him.

“That’s what this is?” Raph’s words were quiet. He couldn’t hear much outside his room right now, and he was glad for it. The ongoing dinner seemed some distant place right now.

“It’s...complicated…” Casey looked away, and Raph snorted.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He shook his head, not surprised at the answer as he went to get up. He was starting to wonder if Casey even wanted him. “They probably wonderin’ where we at anyway…” He trailed off, not wanting to look in Casey’s direction as dark thoughts formed in his head.

“Raph…”

He turned to answer, only to be pulled back into the bed and on top of Casey. He gulped at the look in the man’s eyes and lost his breath.

“Never think I don’t want you.” Each word was precise as those dark eyes stared into his own green ones. Casey’s fingers ghosted over his face and traced his mouth. Raph barely noticed his lips parted until Casey lifted up, and his lips captured Raph’s. He groaned as he grabbed hold of Casey’s hair, gripping the dark locks his hands as they kissed.

That mouth left his only a moment, and Raph’s tongue was out, leaving him panting as he breathed out. Casey had gone to his neck, biting and kissing at his skin in a hot trail.

“Casey…”  It came out more of a moan, and a churr slipped, his hips starting to move until a knock made him stiffen.

“Damn it…” Casey growled, and Raph had to take a moment to clear his throat as quietly as possible. Every part of him wanting to grab his sai and throw it at whoever was on the other side.

Raph took another deep breath and hoped he sounded normal. “Yeah?”

“Everything’s okay in there?”

Leo’s voice made Raph groan, and he rubbed a hand over his face. _Did it hafta be Leo…_

“Yep.”  Raph knew his answer came out sounding short, but he hoped his brother credited it to his usual attitude.  

“Well… April wants to have a talk with Casey.” Leo paused, and Raph bit his tongue not to make a retort just yet. “Are you guys done talking?”

“No…” He answered without thinking, and he saw Casey looking up at him. His fingers were on the move again, tracing Raph’s arm and he shivered.

“What ya doin?” He growled low, only to get a wicked grin from the man under him.

“Okay…” Leo let out a long exhale. “Raph, I really want to talk to you and before you ask. Yes, now.

Raph snorted and mumbled under his breath for what Leo could do with his katana. The image was a bit funny until his older brother started knocking again on the door.

“Raph!”

“I’m comin! Damn, Fearless!” He heard Casey snicker under him and hit the man as he slowly got up reluctantly. He looked at the door and shuffled slowly over, glancing back to see Casey get out the bed.

Raph could think of a million things he rather be doing. Or at least one human he rather be doing, though that thought nearly had his face heating up. He took his time opening the door and couldn’t help the slight happiness he got from the annoyed look on Leo’s face.

“So, what’s up?”

Leo looked past Raph a moment and then back to him. “We need to talk. Alone.” He gave Raph a look and started walking off. Raph could already tell he was in for a lecture and this one would push every button he had.

“Lemme go see what Mama Leo wants” Raph mumbled to Casey. He saw the man nod at him, and he started to follow his older brother. Raph soon noticed they were going to a quieter part of the lair. He had barely realized when Leo stopped and turned to face him.

“I know you’re wondering why I called you.”

“Nope. Not really.” Raph shrugged and watched Leo rub his temples.

“Raph…” Leo's fingers continued until he was looking at Raph with a tired expression. “Just explain to me what happened back there.”

“Back where?” Raph tilted his head, he knew exactly what Leo meant but playing dumb seemed the smarter choice.

“With Casey and April.” Leo’s arms folded as he gave him a knowing look. “One moment you’re quiet and the next you’re giving April a look that would kill. So, I have to ask...what was up with that?”

Raph shook his head ““Nothin’” He shrugged, and Leo didn’t look convinced at all. “Wat? I just ain’t like how the whole thing was goin’.”

“Nothing? You’re calling the whole thing nothing?” Leo pointed towards where the kitchen lay and looked back at Raph. “With the way you were looking at April?” Leo leveled him with another look, but Raph just leaned back with another shrug.

“What was I supposed to do? Go to Casey and smile? Throw in a “Try better next time” at April’s suck ass skills to do what she wants?”

“I’m not saying that” Leo sighed as he continued, “but you gave her, is the same one you give some of our enemies. And Raph…I don’t know if you noticed it or not, but you’ve been treating her differently.”

“Nah, haven't.”

“She even comes to me asking me what she did.” Leo pointed out quickly. “You barely talk to her.”

“Yeah, cuz I’m the king of conversation…” Raph smirked.

“You know what I mean…” Leo let out another sigh, and Raph rolled his eyes, wanting this lecture to be over as he felt guilt swimming through him.

“Fine, I’ll try to talk to the woman more. We done?” Raph gave him a look, and quickly turned on his heel, not waiting for an answer. A hand grabbed his shoulder, and he went still.

“No, we’re not done…”

Raph nearly mumbled under his breath, “Shoulda known…” He turned slowly and looked back at his brother with a smirk, “Gonna tell me to wash behind my ears?”  

“Actually, I wanted to know how are things with Casey.”

Raph’s smirk dropped, and he tried to keep his expression neutral as he shrugged. “He seemed straight.” His brother stared at him, and he looked back, the urge to fidget under that gaze was intense, but he was determined not to lose.

Leo’s mouth opened, but Raph spotted a rat tail and started walking in that direction, “Later, Fearless!”

“Raph!”

He kept moving, knowing that he saw his dad go this way as he turned a corner of the lair and made his way in that direction. As he came to a wall, he looked around confused.

“Is there a reason you’re following me, my son?”

Raph jumped and turned around to face his dad, trying not to glare at the playful smirk on his dad's face but failing in his attempt. Moments like this he was sure the ninja master was evil.

“Do you gotta do that?”

“No, but then I would pass up the chance to see that look on one of my son’s faces” he chuckled only for Raph to groan. “Are you alright, Raphael?” The look turned into concern. “Dinner was a tense situation.”

“Yeah…”

“I realize that you even had your own opinion on the matter….”

“I just...I feel like if you gonna be with someone you accept them. What’s the point of bein’ with someone if you just wanna change who ya met?”

“That is a good question...and it’s an answer that Mr. Jones and April have to discover for themselves.”

“I guess…” Raph mumbled. The idea of the two making up didn’t sit well with him, and he felt horrible for it.

“Something seems to be troubling you…” Splinter’s paw went to his shoulder, and Raph took a deep breath. As he rubbed the back of his head.

“Um…Say someone starts something with someone. But that someone’s with someone else…”

“I see…”

“But it’s not like the someone don’t feel bad for it. They do, but they can’t help what they feel for the other person…”

“It sounds like this person has already made a decision about what they will do…”

“Yes...maybe...he doesn’t know” Raph sighed and felt the paw squeeze his shoulder.

“I do not agree with a relationship built from the dark, though in this case, it seems the two have already made a decision to continue. But will they regret this? And have they thought of how it affects the other person?”

Raph frowned as he thought more about it. The guilt was killing him.

“I believe this situation is complicated and there’s no simple answer. Though, there are things that would be best…”

“Yeah, true.” Raph could agree with that, but the idea of giving up Casey now felt painful.

His dad gave a smile to him and walked off, leaving Raph to his thoughts. He let out a deep sigh as one thought started to slink in his mind.

_Let Casey go…Can I do it?_ He frowned as the idea made him sick to his stomach.

“Raph?”

He closed his eyes, clenching them tight and taking a deep breath. _Really don’t wanna talk Leo…_ He counted slowly to ten, seeing his brother come closer and he tried to keep his emotions at bay.

“Missin’ me already, Fearless?” Raph smirked.

“If I’m not, I’m sure Casey is…”

Raph’s eyes widened and looked at Leo crossing his arms. “I don’t know what y-”

“I’m not an idiot, and I heard you talking to sensei.”

Raph’s eyes went from wide to narrow, the shock wore off quickly to rage. “You was listenin’ in on me?”

“Raph…”

“Were ya listenin in on me?” he repeated and heard Leo sigh.

“Well what else I could do, you don’t talk to me. And lately, things have been tense between you and April.”

“Oh, I dunno Leo, respect my damn privacy maybe?”

“I’m just looking out for you…”

“Who said I want ya even lookin out for me?” Raph yelled.

“Well, apparently you need it!” Leo’s words started to become heated. “I mean of all people. Casey?”

“What I do with my life, ain’t ya damn business, Leo!”

“It does if it affects the team! And more if it affects our family!”

“So now our Fearless Leader commands where our dicks go now?”

“You’ve gone that far with him?” Leo looked horrified. “Raph!”

“And if I have?” Raph breathed out, getting in his brother’s face.

“Are you even hearing yourself? Have you even thought of what this would do to April?”

“Nah, Leo, I suddenly don’t give a damn about her.” Raph snorted.

“I just...what are you even thinking doing this after everything April’s done for us, and this is how you repay her? You sleep with her husband? And then on top of that ruining the relationship we have with her. And what if this whole thing goes bad, Raph? What if he after it all he still doesn’t choose you. What i-”

“I GET IT LEO!” Raph roared. “What ya want? A medal? You always gotta be right about everyth-”

“I don’t even want to be right, Raph!” Leo snapped, and Raph blinked at his older brother.

“I don’t,” Leo repeated. “Don’t you dare think for a second I want to see you hurt. Or without someone loving you. I don’t want to be right. For once I want to be wrong, and this whole thing doesn’t blow up in our faces.”

Raph breathed and kept looking at his brother unsure what to say to him.

“I dunno what ya want me to say, Fearless...” Raph’s words were quiet as he swallowed harshly.

“That...” Leo trailed off, grabbing Raph by the shoulders. “You’ll stop? Please?”

“You must not been listening hard enough...I can’t.”

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Hate it? Love it? Let me know!


	8. When Opportunity Knocks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leo knows, and Raph wonders is his brother going to tell. Will this day turn out good or bad?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to work on updating quicker. But I don't own TMNT and hope you guys enjoy.

* * *

 

 

“Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren't even there before.”

― Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you gonna tell her…” Raph looked directly in his brother’s eyes. If his brother was going to rat him out, he rather be facing what was coming head on. Fear was taking hold of him, but he refused to show it. Raph watched Leo’s not changing features, his brother’s expression was unreadable.

 

“No…”

 

Raph blinked, surprise all over his face as his mouth gaped. His oldest brother was all about honor as a ninja, so Raph was preparing for it. This though was an option he never considered.

 

“Ya ain’t tellin’?” Raph repeated, trying to make sure he got it right or that somewhere between then and now, somehow, he hit his head. Hard.

 

“No, I’m not.”

 

“Why…” Raph drew out the word as his brow ridge rose.

 

“Because sometimes it’s best not to carve the mountain but to let what’s already there steer the waters around it.”

 

Raph blinked at Leo a long time before turning on his heel, “I’m telling Mikey to stop makin’ fortune cookies…”

 

“Wait! Raph!”  He heard his brother run after him. Raph felt like he dodged a bullet back there and breathed a bit easier. He kept walking until he hit the kitchen and opened his mouth before it stayed gaped open at the sight in front of him.

 

He heard Leo run in behind him, but he was still staring at the view of the kitchen along with Mikey and Casey covered in food. The kitchen was a mess, and he wasn’t even sure where food wasn’t. He didn’t even want to picture his dad’s face when he saw it.

 

“What the hell happened?” Raph yelled.

 

“He did it!” Mikey’s finger automatically pointed to Casey who gave the youngest turtle a look.

 

“What happened to slowly givin’ them the answer?”

 

“I’m not good at that, yo!” Mikey pouted, and Raph shook his head at the whole thing

 

“But how did this even happen? When I left you guys it was spotless? Where’s Don? And where’s April?”

 

“Well, Donnie took April home,” Mikey’s hand with to his cheek as he scraped off food then licked his palm. “Because those two had a fight and April left. She was super mad.”

 

“What were you two fighting about now?” Leo looked at Casey with a brow ridge rose.

 

“Nothin…” Casey snorted and looked away.

 

“You’re really going to say nothing when this place i-”

 

“Let it go, Leo” Raph looked at his older brother as Leo looked back, he gave Raph a long look before he sighed.

 

“Fine, but let’s get this place cleaned up before Master Splinter sees it.”

 

“Do I have to…”  Mikey frowned.

 

“Come on Mikey, we’ll be working together” Leo smiled before going to get the cleaning supplies and coming back with a mop and other stuff they needed.

 

“But I didn’t do it together!” Mikey yelled the moment Leo reappeared.

 

“Get over it, ding dong” Raph snorted and got started as he picked up plates from the floor. He glanced over at Casey getting towels and wetting them before getting up the food. Casey hadn’t said another word and though it worried Raph, now wasn’t the time. He went back to helping to clean the kitchen.

 

It took a while to do it, mostly because of Leo’s nagging and Mikey complaining every few minutes especially when their Splinter Jr decided something wasn’t clean enough for dad. If his brother were any more of a teacher’s pet, he’d bring Leo a collar for their training sessions each morning.

 

“See, now was that so bad?”

 

“It was worse…” Mikey groaned. “I need a shower.” he looked over himself and was about to lick his hand again before Leo grabbed his wrist.

 

“I don’t think cleaning supplies and mashed potatoes mix…”

 

“I need one too, I’ll check ya’ll lata…” Casey mumbled before going to walk out the kitchen area.

 

“Im’ma go with Casey, Mikey try not to get food all over the bathroom while ya in there.” Raph made his way out while hoping it wouldn’t be the bathroom next that they have to clean up.

 

The moment he caught up to Casey he moved beside him and walked silently. A brow ridge rose when Casey paused and went behind the couch and picked up a duffle bag before he continued walking.

 

The moment they left out the lair the stench of the sewer became more noticeable. They went through the tunnels and came up on the ladder rungs. Casey moved up first and pushed the manhole to the side with Raph following.

 

The night air hit him, a chilly reminder of the fall season. He wasn’t too bothered by it. Years in the city underground, you could still feel the weather change, more so in the sewer tunnels. They were lucky to have Donnie who could make them basking lamps and heaters out of stuff they found in the dump.  

 

The weather never stopped patrols, unless it was biting cold. And even then, it didn’t stop Raph. Though even he knew wet and cold was never a good mix, especially after what happened in the shower that day. The memory made him nearly turn red.

 

A hand grabbing him shook him from the memory, bringing him back to the present as Casey pulled him deeper into the alley they were in.

 

“What ya doin’ Jones?” he rose a brow ridge before the man let him go and dropped the bag. He bent over and started digging into the bag’s contents. As Casey started pulling out some items, Raph kept looked confused as things were thrusted against his plastron.

 

“Put it on?”

 

“Why am I wearin’ clothes?”

 

“Just put ‘em on shellbrain…”

 

Raph continued to give a look.

 

“Humor me aight?”

 

He rolled his eyes and went to a spot, putting on the clothes and noting the size was bigger than he expected. The jeans were baggy letting him keep on his knee pads, the hoody and shirt fit over his shell as he pulled it on. The shoes were a tough fit, but he managed.

 

“Ya done? I promised I ain’t look.”

 

He could hear the chuckle behind the tone, but honestly, Raph was glad if the man wasn’t looking. He felt ridiculous in the outfit and feared even answering the man. Being a mutant turtle was bad enough.

 

“Yeah...I’m done” he mumbled as he turned, coming closer to Casey as the man turned around. The man’s eyes widened, and his mouth stayed open as his eyes roamed over him. Raph fidgeted and was about to growl about the staring.

 

“I knew I loo-”

 

“Sexy as fuck…”

 

“What?” Raph blinked at the man as Casey pulled him close, kissing him. Raph couldn’t process what the hell was happening, and his brain was spinning. His eyes were half closed as Casey pulled back.

 

“Ya like a damn present just for me to open and now I don’t wanna do this” Casey chuckled.

 

“Huh?” Raph mumbled, still not sure what the hell was going on or happening.

 

“Just...come on.” he grinned and went to turn as Raph pulled the hoodie back over his head as he went to follow. As they came to the alley opening Raph stopped, his heart pounded. If he was on the ground, he was on his bike or getting ready for a fight, not just walking through the city.

 

“Casey…”

 

“Trust me aight. Just think of it like that time you guys saved my ass from the dragons, and you went in that fighting cage against the rest of the gang trying to win a chance to take a swing at me.”

 

“Oh, ya mean the time, shit went to hell, and they figured out me and my bros was turtles?”  Raph smirked, and Casey laughed.

 

“Yep. So ya comin?”

 

“Fine Jones, but if I end up in a lab. It’s on yo head, and you get to face Leo.” he took a few steps forward and followed the man out into the street.

 

It was strange as Raph walked alongside the man down the street. He was barely paying attention to where they were going as he looked at the stores they passed. Eye level and not looking from the roof or looking from the openings at home that let him look above.

 

“Over there is where my moms used to take me to play” Casey chuckled as Raph glanced over at a park. He could imagine children playing. The swings moving as parents would push them. He frowned as he stared at it.

 

“Yeah cool…” Raph mumbled.

 

Casey looked at him. “You never been to a park, have ya?”

 

Raph merely shrugged. “My dad’s a rat and we turtles, Case. Ya think we goin for a stroll in the park?” he smirked though a part of him was feeling that familiar ache he got from time to time. The one where it came to the city he saved repeatedly, yet the city would never accept him, and he knew it.

 

“Makes this even better” Casey’s grin was infectious as he pointed. “This way!” He ran out to the park and Raph rose a brow.

 

“Jones!” he ran after the man, past signs saying to not be out at the park after dusk. He followed the man to the swings and stared at Casey.

 

“Sit.”

 

“Ya kiddin’, right?”

 

“Just sit,” Casey laughed, and Raph shook his head at the man. He still gave the man a long look as he finally sat down on the swing.

 

It was bendier than he thought from the pictures. He felt hands go to his shell with a push, and suddenly he was moving.

 

“Ya gotta kick ya legs.”

 

“Like this?” Raph moved his feet as the swing moved. The breeze hit his face but the higher he got, the more he felt like he was flying. He slowly started to grin as he kept moving and moved his legs. A laugh escaped from him. Slowly he began getting lower to the ground, the swing slowing up to a complete halt, yet the smile hadn’t left his face.

 

“Like it?” Casey leaned in, and Raph couldn’t stop his smile.

 

“That was…” he couldn’t find the words to explain it.

 

“Again?”

 

“Hell yeah” he laughed, and Casey’s hands went to his shell again to push. It felt amazing to fly.

 

“Just wait until you try the slide, and I show you a few tricks that even you can do.”

 

“Oh, yeah?” Raph was too happy to tease or give a retort.

 

He tried the slide, and he even tried it backward a few times. The merry go round made him crazy dizzy. He had spotted a basketball court and frowned at not being able to try, but Casey had promised another time. He tried the tire swing, but that had been a bad idea as his shell got stuck. Casey took pictures, and Raph was busy trying to decide how many ways to kill him once he finally freed himself.

 

Yet nothing beat the swing. Raph could spin, fly and soar in the air like nothing else and now he was sitting at the tree in the park laughing with Casey beside him. The food was now dry on Casey’s clothes and in the man’s hair.

 

“You shoulda took ya shower, dummy” he smirked, moving a three-fingered hand to the dark locks. Casey’s hand caught his wrist, and Casey leaned in kissing him.

 

“Nope, I’m where I wanna be.” Casey’s voice sent a shiver down Raph’s spine.

 

His eyes stayed locked on his and Raph kissed him back without another thought. Their heads touched and Raph traced his fingers over Casey’s jaw line, flecks of food were still over the man’s face.

 

“That’s cool and all, Jones, but ya smell.” Raph laughed as he was shoved. His carapace hit the ground, but that didn’t stop his laughter.  

 

“Coming with me?” Casey rolled his eyes as he stood and held out a hand as Raph took it.

 

He took a glance at the night sky and pulled out his t-phone. He saw no one called about patrolling tonight, but he did know they had training in the morning. He thought about Casey’s offer and nodded his head.

 

“Where we goin?” Raph asked as he started following.

 

“You’ll see…” Casey had a wicked grin on his face, and Raph couldn’t decide whether he should be excited or afraid.

* * *

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Hate it? Love it? Let me know!


	9. Two Sides of the Same Coin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raph and Casey are still out on the town, on their night out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to try and get another chapter out on this soon! Working on getting some multi-chapter stories updated!. I don't own TMNT and hopefully you enjoy! I'm trying to think on what kind of Casey and Raph art to do....And this one is 2003. Which I definitely need to practice LOL.

* * *

 

“You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I treasure each side, just as I have treasured our life together.”

― **Nicholas Sparks** , **The Notebook**

 

* * *

 

 

They were in nothing that could be described as less than the projects as they walked in the neighborhood. There were still some people outside, and Casey waved to a few.

 

“Purple Dragons ain’t round here as much as they used to be…”

 

Raph could hear the smile in the man’s voice, but nothing prepared him for the rest of the expression as he glanced at the man. The man’s face was warm, caring, and pride radiated off of him so much that Raph found himself smiling back.

 

“People actually get to rebuild…”

 

Raph nodded, remembering the many times Casey mentioned that every time the people in his old neighborhood would try to get better but the Dragons would knock the people down again. Robberies would be rampant, and protection money would even make the situation worse. It took time, but the Dragons didn’t show up in this part of town much anymore.

 

It was a small change, but the smile on Casey’s face made every night of bruises worth it.  They were soon at one of the buildings, and Casey knocked on the door. Raph opened his mouth to say something as the door already swung open.

 

“Arnold?”

 

“Ma, call me Casey please.” he laughed as the woman.

 

“I’ll call you what I like, and who’s this you bought over. And what happened to you. You’re a mess.”

 

Raph watched Casey’s mother look him over, and he snickered to himself as he watched the woman. He still remembered her from the wedding.

 

“You remember Raph?”

 

“Yeah, I do. Well, come in. What you two waiting for? An invitation?” She practically grabbed Casey pulling him in before grabbing Raph as well before closing the door. “I see you didn’t bring that girl.”

 

“Ma….” Casey folded his arms.

 

“Don’t ma me, and go clean yourself up. Me and your friend will be fine while you’re gone. Now shoo.” she made a gesture with her hand while Casey looked between them. Casey took one more look at his mom and made his way to the bathroom leaving Raph trapped with the woman.

 

“So, you’re one of Casey’s special friends. The one with the red mask and around my boy a lot. You were best man at his wedding to that girl.”

 

“Huh?” Raph looked surprised she remembered that much but could still hear the tone she used when referring to April.

 

“Don’t sound so surprised. The boy thinks he slips everything past me, but he’s a knucklehead for thinking it. I know Casey had a lot to do with this place turning around. His dad would be proud of him...bless his soul…” Mrs. Jones let out a deep sigh and took a seat.

 

“Ya proud of Case?”

 

“I am. I don’t like the idea of him finding trouble mind you, but he seems to have some kind of direction. I heard he was in school for business from the girl.”

 

Raph snorted hearing that, and he heard the woman chuckle making Raph’s cheeks heat up.

 

“Um… I...my bad…”

 

“No need, I heard what my boy was doin’ and thought the same. Casey never been the business type. Figures and an office all day never been his calling.”

 

“He’s goin’ into somethin’ else. He wants to coach kids...he said there’s a center near here, but they never had a coach or nothin’.”

 

“The pay won’t be much. Won’t be nothin’ that girl makes…”

 

“He don’t care. It makes Case happy, and he’s helpin’ folks. It what he does.” Raph said firmly as the woman’s eyes stayed on him. Mother or not, he dared her to say something. He’d defend Casey even against his mother.

 

“Yes, it is” the woman smirked and moved to stand up. “Come on let me show you something” she gestured as she walked through the house and Raph tilted his head at the woman.

 

“Ya not gonna ask bout ya son being friends with a turtle?” He asked as he followed.

 

“If you the one helping to keep him alive, I don’t care if you was a giant roach. Long as ya don’t leave stuff in my house.”

 

Raph made a face and shuddered at the idea of being a bug, especially a roach. He didn’t even want to picture the damn things.

 

They went upstairs, and Raph could hear the shower going. He quickly tried to shut his own mind down of any thoughts that might come up especially in front of Casey’s mother. They went in a room, and Raph looked around, hockey stuff was around with a few other sports plaques and medals. There were weights in the corner along with some car magazines in different places.

 

The room was clean, a desk and a bed with dark sheets. Raph was surprised to see graffiti art on the walls as he went to one.

 

“He did that one for me when he was 10. A room full of smoke and I was ready to knock some sense into him until I saw it. “

 

“I remember I saw him drawin’ somethin in a book once. Just thought it was somethin he was doin’ to pass the time.”

 

“Probably was. But he got a real talent bout it. Casey’s always been real passionate, whatever he loves he always throws himself into it. He spends a lot of time on it or the person…”

 

“Yeah...noticed…” Raph mumbled as he thought of April.

 

“I don’t think even she’s seen his stuff.”

 

“Ma!”

 

Raph looked back to see Casey dressed with wet hair, standing in the doorway.

 

“Let me make you boys some food” Casey’s mom smirked and moved past Casey who groaned as his mom disappeared out the door.

 

“Ya ain’t want me to see it that bad?”

 

“It ain’t that! Jus, why that one! It’s old and ain’t even my favorite…” Casey frowned at it as Raph rolled his eyes.

 

“Aight then, Jones, what’s ya favorite” he chuckled.

 

Casey’s eyes took on a mischievous glint. Raph wondered what the man was up to as he made his way to a bookcase that had barely any books in it. He pushed it out the way, and Raph blinked at the picture on the wall.

 

“Made it afta I met yall. I was still movin’ outta my moms place into my own”

 

Raph came closer to the art of a turtle in a stance, fierce and ready to attack. His fingers traced its features, and he glanced back at Casey. “That ain’t me…”  Even with the sai and red mask, Raph refused to believe he could look that amazing.

 

“Is you…”

 

Casey moved behind him and wrapped his arms tightly around him. Even at eighteen Raph wasn’t near the man’s height, but he wasn’t nothing to laugh at when it came to muscle.  He felt lips on his neck and closed his eyes a moment, a shiver running through him.

 

“Case, why…” He barely kept from moaning.

 

“Honestly…” Casey stopped, and Raph hated himself for asking the man anything that would stop those lips.

 

“I dunno I guess. When we first met...it was crazy, it was like seein someone so much like me but at the same time so damn different. I was more than ready to take that whole gang apart...specially after my pops was takin’ out by the Dragons…”

 

“Noticed...” Raph muttered, he was pissed himself and tried to lay on the same words his dad did at him. It worked just as well as it worked on him, not much at all, but in the end, Casey hadn’t killed anyone.

 

“And ya’ll didn’t have to help. They coulda killed me when they trapped me that night. Wouldn’t been ya’ll fault.”

 

“Ain’t lettin no one kill ya, Jones.”

 

“I know ya won't now. But back then ain’t like ya owed me nothin’, Raph.”

 

Raph just shrugged, he still wouldn’t let anything happen to the man. Back then it was merely that he couldn’t turn a blind eye to someone in need of help. It became more than that later on as time went on.

 

That night they sped there, and Raph and Casey were both on their bikes as he tried to stop the man from doing something stupid but ended up in the trap along with him. His brothers helped out, and the got out of the situation with Casey only beating the idiots senseless which was fine with Raph.

 

It wasn’t long before he started going out with the man and them taking care of thugs their way instead of his brother Leo and his dad’s way. He wasn’t against their way but mercy was not always his thing, and he felt that not everyone deserved it.

 

“Still…” his eyes went to the picture. “I made that much an impression?” It was an unbelievable thought.

 

“Yeah, ya did” Casey chuckled, and Raph looked back at him.

 

He wasn’t surprised Casey gave a look that dared Raph to disagree with him. He only rolled his eyes at the man as he continued looking at the picture. Something caught his eye on the bookcase, and he tore his eyes away from the picture. He went over, pushing aside the few books there.

 

“Raph, don’t tou-”

 

His fingers found the folded paper and took it from its hiding place as he looked at Casey whose face was as red as the tank he had on.

 

“Ya kept it…”

 

“Well, yeah…” Casey mumbled as Raph looked back at the folded paper, in the shape of a hockey stick, with written instructions on it. He remembered giving them to Casey before they went on a mission where he and his brothers went into a weird building to find out more about the ooze that made them mutants.

 

“Can’t believe ya kept it. How the hell you even remembered what to do then? You could have forgot…”

 

“I wouldn’t forget somethin that could end up with ya dead, Raph…” Casey looked at him a moment before looking away. “And you guys disappeared. Ain’t knew if we’d see you guys again...ain’t knew if you was even still alive. Ain’t like I had somethin else of ya…”

 

Raph thought of that, he was about to mention pictures, or like the art Casey made. _Guess that ain’t the same…_ A decision came, and he went over to Casey kissing the man. He was sure Casey’s mother wasn’t that far, but the risk was needed.

 

Their tongues battled as he moved closer to the human, pressing up against Casey as the best feeling rushed through him. The rush of a fight and the flying feeling of the swing all at once couldn’t compare. He moaned low as Casey held him closer and he could feel them hit the man’s bed. His brain was foggy, nothing else mattered.

 

Teeth went to his neck, hands gripped his thighs as he groaned. His body was moving, and he couldn’t stop.

 

“Case…fuck…”

 

“You boys ready!”

 

Raph was sure he never moved that fast as he jumped away from Casey. He breathed heavy, swallowing as he looked over at the other man and fought every urge in him that screamed to kiss him again.

 

“So, uh…” Casey was staring back, licking his lips.

 

_Damn…._

 

“Yeah…” It was the best he could get out as he watched Casey move past him. His skin burned where skin brushed against his own. He was sure he was going to lose his mind soon and fought to keep his eyes from Casey’s bed.

 

He stayed behind, trying to get himself back together as he took deep breaths. Raph wasn’t sure how much time passed as he left the room, and made his way downstairs. Sounds from the kitchen reached him, and he made his way there, then to the table.

 

 “For a moment, I thought ya got lost or somethin” Casey had a wide smirk and Raph fought the urge to throw up his middle finger.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Now you both can make your own plates, I’m not your maid. And don’t think for a second that I plan on being one for you.” Casey’s mom gave them a pointed look as Raph and Casey both got back up to fix their plates. “And didn’t you have a red mask?”

 

“Yeah did,” Raph answered Casey’s mom.

 

“You lost it?” Casey looked back at him, and he shook his head.

 

“Nope.”

 

Raph watched confusion cross over Casey’s face as he chuckled inwardly then moved to sit down at the table. He thought of red fabric that was now brightening up the dark covers of Casey’s bed.

 

* * *

 

 

How about Raph in this style with a shell? (Which is more my style that I'm working on) Or true 2003 style?

 

* * *

 


	10. The Losing Side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to go home after dinner with the mom...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own TMNT and I'm feeling angsty. lol Thank you for all reading this story, though if I go by the comments it's just one person LOL. So thank you! It's encouraging.

* * *

 

 

“Having something and losing it, it's so much crueler than never having had it.”

― **Victoria Schwab** , **The Unbound**

 

* * *

 

 

He got home late with the sun coming up and missed calls on his phone. The dinner with Casey and his mom was nothing like the one they tried to have in the lair. The tenseness was gone, and Casey laughed and smiled so much that Raph felt right at home in the Jones home. No matter how many lectures he would get he’d treasure the whole night.

 

He still had on those clothes on him as he stepped into the lair. Raph tried to be as quiet as possible, though he could hear the sounds from the dojo. He could hear his brothers in the training room with their dad as he made his way quickly to his room.

 

Raph slipped off his clothes, trying to find a spot to put them as he hurried to put them away. A yawn slipped, and he smacked his face a bit to wake up. Quickly he tried getting ready for practice and made his into the training area only to have all eyes shoot to him.  

  

“What?” Raph gave the most nonchalant tone he could muster, ignoring the look that Leo was giving him.

 

“You mean besides the fact you’re late?” Leo’s arms crossed and Raph fought back another yawn. He knew it was coming, but he was exhausted.

 

“My bad, aight?” He sighed, yet Leo didn’t the least satisfied with the answer as Raph continued.  “I lost track of time...”

 

“Lost track of...” Leo rubbed his temples and narrowed his eyes. “What were you eve-”

 

“That’s enough, Leonardo,” Master Splinter said quickly, and the blue-masked turtle went silent though Raph didn't see it as a save.

 

_Probably extra trainin’…_

 

 “And, Raphael, nice of you to join us after your night with Mr. Jones.” His father smiled, but Raph wasn’t trusting it.

 

“Yeah, sorry bout that, Sensei.”

 

 I’m sure you won’t mind the training I have in mind for you or doing your chores.”

 

_Knew it…_ Raph held back a groan and gave a respectful bow, “No, sir.”  The punishment was nothing new to him, especially when he would miss practice over Casey.

 

Splinter patted his arm and started to walk back to the others as he spoke. “Good, then let’s all get back to training.”

 

He smiled, but Raph had a feeling his father was about to make this one grueling as he got into the lineup alongside his brothers. Everyone got into their stances, except Mikey who stared at him. Raph weighed the consequences in his head of asking his baby brother what the deal was until Mikey’s hand shot up.

 

“I got one question though!”

 

“What is it, Michelangelo?” Splinter asked.

 

“Where’s Raph’s mask?”

 

With the feel of eyes on him, Raph’s own eyes widened as he realized he forgot to put on one of his spare masks.  He tried to piece together an excuse, not wanting to say how he gave the other one to Casey.

 

“I uh…Forgot to put it on when I was changing” he mumbled, though Leo looked unconvinced and Don’s own expression was perplexed.

 

“Oh, okay.” Mikey gave a shrug, going back to what they were supposed to be doing making Raph suddenly wish the other two were more like Mikey. Their father quickly grabbed their attention once again to get practice started, though Raph had a feeling the subject wasn’t over.

 

It didn’t start off bad as time went on, his dad’s instructions became harder, and the attacks and stances they had to perform became more difficult. He was pretty sure his dad picked out the ones he had the most trouble with purposely and not just because it was because he had trouble with them.

 

The moment practice was over, he tried slipping out with the rest only to be stopped at the clearing of his father’s throat. With an inward sigh, Raph turned around fully prepared to hear his dad point him to the hashi. At the sight of a smile, he had a feeling his dad was going to do his worse.

 

They practiced katas, going from one position to the other. Over and over, they practiced as Raph held positions for such extended periods of time that he was sure he would either snap or sleep wherever he stood. As he held the next one, he tried to focus and not drop right there on the mat.

 

“I believe that’s enough for the day” Splinter called out, and Raph never thought he’d be that happy to hear that sentence. As he went into a normal stance and fought sleep, he glanced at his father with envy. The ninja master looked just as fresh as before they started.

 

With a hand to his mouth, covering it as another yawn came he started making his way to his room.

 

“Raphael…”

 

He stopped dead in his tracks, silently cursing his need to see Casey as he turned around “Yea...? I mean yes, sensei.”

 

“I understand Mr. Jones is a dear friend to you…” His father began, and Raph could feel the heat starting to rise in his cheeks.  “but that does not excuse you from your responsibilities, my son.”

 

“Hai, Master Splinter” Raph bowed to him, out of respect and to hide his face. Without another word he quickly walked out, rolling his shoulder as he felt the ache throb.

 

_Damn it…_ The thought of a shower hit him as he changed directions.

 

Raph undid his wrappings and took off his pads, feeling glad once he was in the shower and the hot spray hit him massaging his sore muscles. He blinked fast as his legs wobbled, and he yawned again, a hand went to the wall to brace himself.

 

_Not gonna be the first turtle to drown inna shower…_ He could already see everyone laughing during the funeral.

 

He trudged towards his room, barely remembering the close the door as he fell on top of the bed. Raph tossed and turned, missing the feel of his hammock. Slowly he started to drift off, his eyes closing as sleep took over.

 

_There was a kiss to his neck making him moan as hands traveled over his plastron and then over his thighs. Hands rubbed and squeezed them as he groaned louder, and bit back as he tried to hold it all in._

_“Just relax…”_

_Raph gasped at the husky tone coming out of Casey’s mouth. Soon kisses trailed over his neck, leaving him writhing as he felt a bite on one spot that had his toes curling. Casey sucked more at that spot, and Raph could no longer hold back a loud churr._

_“Someone’s sensitive…” Casey chuckled, tracing his tongue over that spot again causing Raph to shiver._

_“Shuddup” He mumbled, barely getting out the word. Raph felt like he was burning as he looked away, his mouth slightly open as he panted with each tease to his skin. As Casey’s fingers massaged and touched his thighs along with that mouth on his neck, every string of curses he knew blazed through his mind as everything faded._

_Another chuckle brought him back to the present. Raph had half lidded eyes as he looked up at his best friend who he was between wanting to kill or let continue. His mouth opened to say something, only to be captured by lips._

_He felt a tongue, it moved against his skin as Raph’s body started to scream for more as he pushed forward with his hips. Suddenly Casey’s mouth was gone, and Raph wanted to whine until his head went back at the feeling of his shoulder getting bit._

_“I…” He knew he matched the color of his mask as Casey looked down at him, his grin wicked as a finger trailed down the middle of Raph’s plastron. The anticipation was killing him enough, to not give a damn._

_“Wonda jus how sensitive…cuz I ain’t expect this much…”_

_“So?” Raph tried glaring, feeling way too venerable at this point as Casey’s finger stopped right where his plastron ended. He swallowed harshly, trying not to get sucked in by Casey’s eyes as he leaned in. He was starting to hate how his voice was sounding as he made a move to get up until a hand went against him and the expression on Casey’s face made a shiver go down his spine._

_“Just let go, aight?” Casey moved, letting himself settle between Raph’s thighs as he nudged them apart. “Ain’t I always had ya back?”_

_“What the hell ya…” Raph’s voice caught in his throat as he watched Casey start to move lower and his eyes widened. “Ca-Casey?” It was hard to not just let go at the sight of his best friend there, eyes looking up directly at him._

_“Shh...just let me do this…”_

_Fuck, why he has to say that…Raph breathed out, shaking his head as Casey started to move. “Bu-Ah!” He screamed out, unaware he could even make a sound like that as he felt Casey’s mouth on his thighs. He twisted his head, moaning with a hand over his mouth trying to drown it out as he lost the ability to even think._

_His insecurities were drowned out by his need, as he grasped Casey’s head, trying to put it where he needed it most as he felt the hand to his tail. It squeezed, making his head go back as Raph dropped down unable to hold back anymore. Then suddenly nothing._

_Raph’s grip on Casey’s head weakened, and he blinked noticing the silence as he looked down yet the man hadn’t moved. He was just staring at him, and Raph gulped as fear shot through him._

_“Casey?” He was slowly receding as he started to move from under the man and his heart sinking along with it. Still, nothing and Raph felt bare to the world.  “Casey?” he repeated, trying to sound normal, as he chuckled. “Come on Case, talk to m- “_

_“What kinda freak are ya?” Casey finally looked at him, and Raph felt frozen in place. He tried to get a word out, but nothing was coming as he saw the pure disgust on his best friend’s face. Casey was moving, and Raph tried to get out something, anything as pain squeezed his chest._

_“What?” He choked out._

_“I can’t believe I almost did that with…” Casey shook his head, moving farther away and Raph could feel his head lowering into his shell. He didn’t even know they could do that. Casey sent a glare as he turned on his heel, leaving the room and Raph’s eyes grew wide._

_Not like this… He shot up from the bed as his head popped out the shell, and got caught in his sheets. Limbs tangled as he cursed his sudden lack of balance as he tried to catch himself from hitting the floor, he growled and tried tearing the sheets away._

_“Casey!” Raph yelled this time, hoping he’d wait or stop. Either one. He’d take either one as he continued fighting his own covers. His anger was growing, and at the sound of an audible rip he was out and rushing to catch up. He prayed Casey hadn’t left the lair as he ran, not even looking as he bumped into Leo._

_“Woah, Raph what’s wrong?” His older brother grabbed hold of him, looking concerned as Raph tried moving past him. He shook his head, not wanting to lose Casey._

_“Not right now, Fearless!” He tried pushing away, only to be grabbed as he sent his older brother a glare. “Leo!”_

_“What do you mean not now? You don’t even have your gear on! And it’s broad daylight!” Leo pointed out towards the exit. “Have you literally lost it?”_

_“I have to get to him!” The words were out before he could stop them and he breathed out, watching his brother’s face soften. Raph looked away quickly, feeling the corner of his eyes sting. He hated being seen like this…_

_“What happened?” Leo said softly, and Raph started to feel like when they were kids again._

_“Casey...he…he…” He refused to say it, yet he could already feel Leo’s arms around him._

_“Oh, Raph…” Leo sighed, and he stiffened as thoughts swirled._

_Pity. It’s was all pity. He’s fuckin’ pityin’ me…Raph growled to himself as he started to move from his brother’s arms, but Leo’s grip wouldn’t weaken._

_“I tried to tell you…” Leo patted his shell, but Raph wanted nothing of it._

_“Leo…” Raph kept trying to shake his brother loose, he didn’t want to hear it._

_“You already knew this might happen though.”_

_“He didn’t leave me, Leo!” Raph yelled out, screaming the words as he willed Casey to appear. He hated Leo for being right, for saying it, for everything as he felt every urge to tear Leo apart._

_“Then where is he, Raph?”_

_Raph went still at the question, and his heart sank. The words repeated as he remembered that look on Casey’s face. That look of disgust was ingrained in his head, and Raph’s arms dropped as the fight left him. The question didn’t stop._

_“Where is he, Raph…”_

 

Raph sat up quickly, air rushing into his lungs as he held himself. Would that happen? Could that happen?  He tried to gather himself together and nearly jumped at the sound of a knock on the door.

 

“Yeah?” He forced the nonchalant tone though he was still shaking.  

                                     

 

“It’s me.” Came a laugh and Raph stiffened, the nightmare captured that voice perfectly in his head.  “Ya brothers said ya pops probably ran ya to the ground cuz of last night.” Casey continued. “Ya good?”

 

“I’m straight. You can go.” Raph brought a hand to his face, muttering under his breath as he took another breath.

 

“Ya sure?” Casey didn’t sound as confident, yet Raph didn’t have it in him to say much to the man. It became quiet, and Raph could already feel the rift though he knew Casey was still by the door. He could hear the man’s feet.

 

 

“You ain’t mad, are? I mean if you really wanted to get home, my bad for gettin ya in trouble…” Casey sighed, and Raph snorted at the idea of that being the reason.

 

“Ain’t the first time, won’t be the last. I just wanna be alone.” Raph turned from the door as he sat on his bed, starting to bring his knees up to his chest. His emotions were raw, and he hated it. The wall he built was broken, and he needed a moment

 

Raph could hear the door knob twist and turn and cursed to himself as it opened. He refused to look in that direction.

 

 

“What happened, Raph?”

 

“Nothin’.”

 

“Nothin? Ya think I Believe that alone bullshit?” Casey questioned and Raph shrugged, not caring what Casey believed or didn’t believe right now. The idea to throw the man out was starting to look promising.

 

“What the fuck happened?” Casey sighed. “If it ain’t about ya gettin in trouble. Then what is it?”

 

“Just let it go…” Raph growled out, his temper starting to get a hold of him.

 

“Nah, I ain’t lettin it go!”

 

“Why da fuck ya won't?” Raph yelled back, getting up as he got into Casey’s face. He wasn’t surprised Casey hadn’t back down with the man glaring back at him.

 

“Don’t ya get it?” He roared. “You mean too damn much to me.”

 

“For now…” Raph mumbled, reminding himself once again that Casey’s wasn’t his. The whole thing made him want to hit the man and balled up his fists.  “I’m a damn turtle, Casey!”

 

“Oh really, never noticed” Casey deadpanned.

 

“Just fuckin’ get out before I throw ya out! I’m different! I ain’t nothin like you!

 

“Ya ain’t think I figured that out? But it don’t change the way I feel bout you. So, whatever ideas in ya head, squash that shit.”

 

“Whatever…” Raph dragged a hand over his face, one moment he was pissed. The next he wanted to crawl under the covers and just stay there. _I’m losin my mind here…_

 

“What I gotta do?” Casey came closer, and Raph wasn’t sure what to tell him. “Wine and dine ya? Will that convince ya?”

 

“Just leave me the hell alone, Casey...”

 

“Just come on, Raph. It’ll be a date.”

 

Raph blinked and turned to look at Casey, “A what…?”

 

“We goin on a date. So, come on.” Casey smirked, and Raph continued to stare.

 

“Jones, have ya completely lost it and what about April....”

 

“Let me worry about April… this between you and me.”

 

“And April since ya still with her” Raph crossed his arms, and Casey let out a sigh.

 

“Just trust me, aight?” Casey held out a hand, and Raph looked unsure. “Do ya trust me?” 

 

 “Yeah…”

 

“So, ya comin?” Casey smirked and started to go.

 

“Only if ya promise to stop gettin’ ya pickup lines from old Disney movies.”

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Hate it? Love it? Let me know!


	11. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first real date! Raph is excited! Well, as excited as Raph can be about the bonehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own TMNT! And I hope you guys enjoy this. Thank you for all the kudos and views. Don't forget to comment, I truly appreciate it!

* * *

 

“It was our first date and I asked what his favorite movie is. He asked if I’d judge him, but instead of judging him I just loved him.”

― **Dominic Riccitello**

 

* * *

 

 

Raph stared at the food in front of him and then at Casey who had nothing less than a shit eating grin directed at him.

 

“Aight, who the hell cooked this?”

 

“What? Ya really gonna ask that?”

 

“Seein’ as I value my life, yep.”

 

“Ya know just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I can’t cook.”

 

“First, you ain’t the only dude in here.” Raph snorted at the answer as he continued. “Second, this has to do with the fact that last time you cooked, it was for April. And we had to hear her complain for a whole night to Don about her stomach or what was left of it.”

 

Casey rolled his eyes, “Just try it aight? I didn’t even wanna cook that day...” he mumbled.

 

Raph looked at the food again, it looked edible, and it didn’t smell like something that would have him calling for a doctor. He picked up a fork and dug in, and was immediately surprised at the taste and watched that grin return on Casey’s face.

 

“You didn’t cook this.” Raph took another bite.

 

“I did! I told ya I wanted to take ya out on a date.”

 

“Nah, ya said that a few days ago and Leo stopped us at the exit, and told you that I had chores and patrol to do.” Raph chuckled.

 

“You ain’t told me you had chores on top of the trainin.”

 

Raph just shrugged as he continued to eat his food.

 

“Do that happen every time ya late?”

 

“Yeah but ain’t like I’m always late so no worries.” Raph continued to eat until he noted Casey’s silence. “Worried about me?” he teased.

 

“And if I am?” Casey had a smile on his face that Raph couldn’t help but notice. He looked at Casey a moment as a slow smile came to his face, and he took another bite of food.

 

“So ya really made this?” Raph asked again.

 

“Mmhm. Well, ma helped, I said it was for someone special. And I ordered this book just...wanted to make sure I got it right.”

 

Raph watched the man turn red and blinked at Casey then grinned. “Ya managed not to kill me” he joked.

 

“Real funny” Casey smirked as he ate from his own plate.

 

Raph glanced around the small apartment as a thought started to nag at him. “This ya old apartment.”

 

“Mmhm.”

 

“But why ya here and not with her.”

 

“No talk of other women on our date” Casey smirked, and Raph rolled his eyes at the man.

 

“Casey...can I ask ya somethin?”

 

“Is it more questions about other women?”

 

“Sorta…”

 

“Rap-”

 

“How many people ya dated?”

 

Casey looked surprised by the question as his brows furrowed, “Uuuh...ya really wanna know?”

 

Raph nodded. “Wouldn’t bother askin’ if I didn’t” He was aware that Casey was a huge flirt. Raph had been a witness to it many times with the women they’d save and got annoyed at times by it. He really hated those times and never could put a finger on why but now he knew why.

 

Casey rubbed the back of his neck and exhaled, “If you mean just go out, I don’t really know the number. I did a lot in high school, ain’t gonna lie and say I didn’t. On a serious level, just three.”

 

“Three?”

 

“Expectin’ more?” Casey smirked.

 

“Nope, just curious…” Raph mumbled.

 

“Ain’t even gonna ask who?”

 

Raph shook his head, already feeling jealous of the other two nameless women that were important in Casey’s life.

 

“It's April...”

 

“I said I don’t wanna know” Raph’s eyes narrowed. The images of the other women were in his head now and what they did together and all the things Raph couldn’t. April, he already knew for a fact, and it was always hovering over his head that Casey wasn’t really his.

 

“And you the last…”

 

Raph blinked at the man, “Me?” He looked at Casey to make sure he heard him right, but the man hadn’t said a word to correct him.

 

“Yep, I’m serious bout ya. And this won’t be our last date.”

 

“Next ya gonna want to do shit on holidays and all that” Raph snorted.  
  


“Well, we could. Like what are you guys gonna be doing for Thanksgiving?”

 

“Same thing we do every Thanksgiving. And won’t you be busy with ya woman.”

 

Casey sighed, “Fine, ya wanna mention April…then maybe we could always come over and be doin’ what yall doin?”

 

“Yeah cuz last dinner went great” Raph reminded him as he continued. “and now ya’ll gonna do a whole lot of nothing on top of that.”

 

“Nothing? What ya mean by nothin?”

 

“Exactly what I just said.” Raph stuffed the last bite of food roughly and swallowed. “What the hell ya think we do on Thanksgiving?”

 

“I dunno?” Casey shrugged. “Turkey, cranberry sauce and umm...stuff?”

 

“Yeah, cuz turkeys just appear in the sewers.” Raph snorted, and nearly missed Casey’s sheepish look as the man scratched his head.

 

“How about Halloween? That’s comin’ up.”

 

“Casey…” Raph rose a brow ridge, “ya think someone’s gonna knock onna manhole or somethin?”

 

“I dunno!” He huffed, throwing up his hands and Raph’s eye twitched. “Maybe Christmas?”

 

“Just give up!” Raph slammed down a fist, as the clang of dishes and utensils echoed in the now silent room. “We don’t celebrate shit aight!” Raph brow ridges furrowed, shaking his head as memories came. “And celebrate for what? Be thankful that we hafta live underground? Be happy and merry that no one knows we’re alive! Our lives won’t mean a damn thing when we gone. So, what’s the point!”

 

Raph was shaking as he thought of their holidays. Their dad always did his best to make sure they never felt like they were missing out, but Raph always felt. And right now, he felt envious that both Casey and April could so easily have the holidays any way they chose.

 

He saw Casey’s frown and Raph averted his eyes. He gripped the fork in his hand, he was pretty sure Casey was pitying him right about now. His grip tightened more, and he was surprised to feel his chair being pulled out and looked back to see Casey looking at him.

 

“What the hell ya up to?” Raph eyed him.

 

“Damn, so ya don’t want dessert? And here I was slaving over a stove all night long.”

 

Raph blinked at the question, caught off guard by the whole thing. “What?”

 

“It’s ya fav. Chocolate...well chocolate cake.”

 

“You cooked and baked a cake?”

 

“Ya know you keep sayin stuff like that and ya might hurt someone’s feelings.”

 

“Just bring the damn food” Raph mumbled as Casey disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a box. Casey placed it on the table with one plate, and two forks as Raph’s eyes went from the box and then to Case. He tried not to laugh as Raph watched the man cut a huge slice of chocolate cake and put it on the plate.

 

“Slaved all night huh?”

 

“Slaved...went to the grocery store. To-ma-to, To-mah-to” Casey chuckled and got a forkful as he put it to Raph’s mouth, but he started eyeing the man.

 

“Have ya lost it?”

 

“Either open ya mouth, or I start makin plane sounds…”

 

“Ya wouldn’t dare…” Raph eyed the man before Casey’s smile turned devious. He heard a zoom and whoosh come out the man’s mouth as he had the fork sail through the air.

 

“Yep, ya lost it” Raph snickered but humored him as he opened his mouth and he got chocolate cake fed to him.

 

“Maybe” Casey chuckled as he kept feeding Raph. “But I’m good with it.”

 

Raph looked at the fork by itself on the plate and grabbed it, getting a forkful of cake as he put some to Casey’s mouth.

 

“Raph, ya don’t gotta do that…”

 

“I know…” he mumbled, keeping the fork steady to Casey’s mouth as the man slowly smiled then opened his mouth. He quickly fed it to Casey and grabbed more to feed him.

The two continued that way until only a piece was left, both eyeing each other and the last piece. Raph made a show of spinning the fork in one hand like he would his sai as he saw Casey’s eyes narrow.

 

“Back off, Hamato” Casey smirked.

 

“You first, Jones” Raph’s eyes narrowed, his fork ready as he eyed Casey’s fork.

 

Casey moved for the cake trying to grab a piece, and Raph saw the movements with a smirk as his fork moved, and he swiftly lifted it into Casey’s mouth as the man looked all but surprised.

 

“You cheated!” Casey yelled, after swallowing. Raph could hear the laugh behind his tone.

 

“Nope. Should have known to never cross a ninja” Raph chuckled as he watched an expression cross over Casey’s face.

 

“Oh yeah, well I got somethin for that.”

 

“Case, ain’t nothin you can do that can beat me” Raph laughed.

 

“Ya sho bout that turtle?”

 

“Yep,” Raph smirked more. He was proud of his skills.

 

“Aight then” Casey moved to get up, and Raph watched the man carefully, moving out the way as the man suddenly tried to tackle him but was surprised to feel fingers behind him and tickling his sides as he started laughing.

 

“What was that? Mercy?”

 

“Hell no!” Raph laughed more, trying to get away as he was pinned to the floor and Casey attacked his sides with his fingers. He laughed harder, his stomach hurting as he kept laughing.

 

“Say it!”

 

“No!”

 

“Give up!” Casey laughed.

 

“FINE! I GIVE!” Raph kept laughing, trying to catch his breath as Casey’s tickles turned to strokes down his side. He laid on the floor, feeling Casey at his side still tracing his fingers over them.

 

“I beat a ninja, do I get somethin?” Casey chuckled.

 

“Ya cheated” Raph laughed.

 

“Nope, I just got skills. Mad skills.”

 

“Then what ya want then.” Raph didn’t bother sitting up as Casey moved on top of him then leaned forward. Their lips were almost touching, and Raph gave the human a look.

 

“Just one thing.”

 

“What…” Raph’s brow ridge rose as Casey leaned in, kissing him.

 

“That.” He smirked, and Raph rolled his eyes.

 

“Ya turnin into some kinda mook, ya know that?”

 

“Ain’t my fault. Ya made me that way” Casey laughed, and Raph shook his head.

 

“Nah, it was always there.”

 

“Shellbrain” Casey laughed.

 

“Bonehead,” Raph said back, and the word was full of all the affection he could muster.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Hate ? Love it? Let Me know!
> 
> And as much as Casey is being sweet on Raph, he keeps reminding the mook that he's STILL with April!


	12. Happy Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween in the lair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own TMNT, and now that Just A Story is finished. I need to finish Cracked Open.

* * *

 

"Jealousy is a rather enjoyable emotion to watch."

— **Chetan Bhagat** ( **2 States: The Story of My Marriage** )

 

* * *

 

Raph crossed his arms, they had been patrolling steadily, but tonight like every Halloween they’d be staying underground. He remembered when he was younger and wanted to join in, and it hurt to know he never could. Only Mikey still cared about the holiday as the rest of them grew out of it.

 

“Okay…” Leo turned to each of them, with a no-nonsense look in his eyes. “You guys remember the rules. Try to stay away from the openings if you have to use the tunnels. Try to avoid going up to the surface tonight. There’s going to be way too many humans about an-”

 

“Jeez. This how ya’ll do it every year?”

 

“Casey?” Leo turned away from them as Raph looked to see Casey come closer with a costume on and bags in his hands. “What are you doing here?” Leo looked from him to April beside him dressed as Poison Ivy as Don’s mouth gaped.

 

“April?” He continued to stare as April let out a small laugh.

 

“Tonight, it’s Poison Ivy.” She smiled at them, helping Casey put down the bags at the table as the brothers each stared at them. Raph’s eyes went to Casey’s questioning the older man who only gave him a discreet wink.

 

“What are you guys doing here?” Leo looked at them as he scratched his head.

 

“Actually,” April nudged her hips against the Casey. “It was his idea.” She smiled as she began taking things out the bag and at the sight of candy Mikey was right at her side. “I usually go to a friend’s Halloween Party, but Casey said we should have our own here.”

 

Raph felt that nagging guilt again as he watched her give Mikey one of his favorites and he sunk into the chair. It was hard to even look at her as he rubbed the back of his neck mumbling. “So, you guys made up?”

 

The lack of an answer had him looking up, as he looked to see April look at Casey decisively as she let out a long sigh. “We’re…” She glanced from Casey to him as she went back to what she was doing,” Let’s just say we’re working through it, but that’s not going to stop us from having a good time with family.”

 

“Right…” Raph looked at his fingers, hoping it didn’t sound as bitter as it sounded to him. _She called us family, and I’m…_ Guilt hit him full force and every night with Casey was fresh in his mind, reminding him of his behavior.

 

“You’re okay, Raph?” At the sound of her voice, he looked up, hearing her concern chewed him alive as he thought about the date he just had with her husband last night. All he could do was nod, not trusting himself to speak as he fought the urge to rub a hand over his face.  

 

“That’s super cool, Ape. You and Casey belong together.” Mikey grinned at her as Raph sent a glare his brother a glare. “What did I do?” Mikey frowned as Raph got up, brushing past him roughly, and for a moment Casey’s eyes caught his.

 

“Nothing.” He quickly looked away from the older man, trying to ignore him and what he felt.

 

“You guys sure you want to have a party here? We don’t exactly have…” Leo trailed off, gesturing to the area around them. “well, anything that’s party-like.”

 

“Which is why I bought this stuff.” April pointed out the stuff they pulled from the bags. “Everything you need for an amazing party.”

 

“Leo” Mikey was practically drooling. “It’s new candy, not the months old kind.” He grabbed for some more as April laughed.

 

“There’s also food and decorations,” April added with a smile.

 

“Are these costumes?” Don held up something from the bag and Raph tilted his head. “I’ve never had a costume before…well not since we were little.” Don let out a chuckle, “Remember when we found old bandages and all of us were the four mummy-teers?”

 

Raph laughed at the memory, “I remember fearless accidentally using his as a diaper” He glanced over, snickering at the glare his older brother gave.

 

“So, you guys did dress up?” Casey looked to each of them as Mikey put more candy in his mouth, his cheeks puffing up like a squirrel as the rest of them looked down to the floor. Casey’s brow rose at them, “It couldn’t be that bad, right?”

 

“Nah, it was perfect. I didn’t run out the lair dressed like a freak and get told I’m one.” Raph huffed as he leaned against the wall and looked away.

 

“Raph, I ain’t knew…”

 

“You guys aren’t freaks.” April had a frown as she came closer, “So whoever did that…they really didn’t know what they were talking about. They don’t even matter anymore.”

 

“It is a bit hard though,” Don sighed, “Remember the guy we said we tutored…it was him and some guys with him. So, it just hurt a lot.”

 

“Well, this year will be different, trust us” April looked at each of them, but Raph’s eyes went to Casey. A strange look had passed over the older man’s face. “What’s with the face Raph, can’t live a little?” she laughed, catching his attention as he shrugged at her.

 

“I guess it couldn’t hurt…” Leo looked in another bag, pulling out another costume. “It’s not like we’re going door to door, worst case scenario, Mikey bounces off walls more than usual.”

 

“I still say this is stupid...”

 

“You think everything is stupid,” Mikey laughed as he tried to put on one of the costumes, “Guys, uh help?” Mikey tugged harder to get it over his shell as Raph rolled his eyes. As he started pulling on half of a costume and Raph could see him tugging it harder to fit over his shell as he rolled his eyes at his baby brother.

 

“Need help?” Raph smirked, tugging down hard on the costume.

 

“Not so rough!” Mikey yelled out as Raph snorted at him.

 

“By the way, I don’t think everything’s stupid…” Raph mumbled, leaning back against the wall until two bags were thrusted against him. “What?”

 

“That guy from back then…” Casey moved a hand through his hair, and Raph could swear the man was nervous. “He was a dumb kid that didn’t know better., and now he feels bad for being such a huge idiot so uh dress up and have some fun with us.”

 

Raph looked to the bag and to Casey, eyeing the man in front of him as Casey shifted on his feet. “He feels bad, huh?” He thought back to that kid again, who was a bit older than them as he watched Casey continue to fidget. “How bad?” Slowly Raph started to smirk as it finally hit him who the kid was.

 

“Like a horrible dumb ass who got caught up in the wrong crowd?” Casey laughed nervously, and let out a sigh. “I didn’t even think for a second that it had been you guys from back then. Maybe…it’s a sign.” His eyes met Raph’s, and he nearly forgot where they were.

 

“Guys! We need to decorate!” Mikey appeared out of nowhere as Raph shoved Casey back, putting space between them. “You guys okay?”  He raised a hand to scratch his head as a rip echoed through the lair. “Aw, man.”

 

“It’s okay Mikey. I’ll fix it.” April went over, grabbing hold of his shoulders as she led him out. “We’ll be back guys!”

 

Raph nodded to them, feeling relieved as he felt Casey watching him, and he looked back at him.  “Mebbe it ain’t all stupid.” He gave a slow smirk, watching Casey return it as Don came in their direction in a torn, bloody lab coat and a grey wig.

 

“Mind helping me with decorations, Casey?”

 

“Uh…” Casey looked from Raph to Don with a shrug, “Sure thing, Donnie.”

 

“Thanks.” Don gave a smile, “I can use the help unless…” His eyes went to Raph, “you and my brother are busy.”

 

“Do it matter?” Raph looked back at Don, “Since when you do anythin’ together?” He looked quickly between the older man and his younger brother.

 

“It’s cool, Raph” Casey shrugged as he gave a grin. “You gotta get dressed anyway, and with Mikey and April handling the costume emergency, Leo’s probably missin someone to boss around.”

 

“I guess…”

 

“Great.” Don grabbed hold of Casey, pulling him away. Raph’s brow ridge rose, watching them suspiciously as his eyes fell on Leo. Grabbing his brother as he was about to make his way up a ladder, he pulled the oldest turtle to the hall.

 

“Raph, what are yo-” Leo yelped, trying not to misstep as he followed Raph, and looking at his brother as though he grew a second head once they stopped. “What’s the big idea?

 

“Did ya tell him” He ignored the question, glancing towards where Don had led Casey as his brother let out a sigh.

 

“Raph…”

 

“Did you or nah?” His grip had tightened on the older terrapin’s arm as Leo snatched it away, but Raph blocked his brother’s path. “Leo…”

 

“Tell him what?”

 

“Ya know what Leo…” Raph hissed, gesturing out towards where the Don and Casey went. “Why else would Donnie suddenly wanna get Casey alone?” His mind came up with many images, none good. “I seriously doubt they decorating!” He gave a loud whisper, looking towards them again as his nerves took hold of him.

 

“I think you're paranoid,” Leo whispered back with a roll of his eyes. “I’m pretty sure if Don says they’re decorating, they’re decorating.”

 

“Ya really believe that?” Raph gave a look, daring his brother to say different as Leo shrugged.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe.” Leo sighed as he looked towards Don and Casey himself. “Maybe not. And honestly Raph…” Leo opened his mouth closing it immediately as he started to walk off, “You know what, never mind. Because…”

 

Leo barely got two steps before he was pulled back, and Raph stood in his path. “Nah, what?” His eyes narrowed at the blue-masked turtle as Leo gave him a long look.”

 

“You want to know what? Fine.” Leo stepped in closer, “If Don is saying something, it’s not because I told him, but part of me hopes he does just in case someone can talk some sense into one of you. Because this thing you have with Casey is a horrible idea.”

 

“You could be wrong…” Raph stepped back, shaking his head at his older brother. “Me and Casey could work…”

 

“And then what, Raph?” Leo frowned at him as Raph’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly. “Where does all of this leave April? Huh?” where would that leave April?”

 

“I…” Raph looked down, hearing Leo sigh again as he swallowed harshly. “I just…”

 

“I’m trying my best to let you handle this” Leo’s tone was quiet as Raph looked up, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him. “You may not think I am, but I really am. And for some reason, you don’t see how this could ruin your life.”

 

“Ya actin’ like I wanted this.” His voice was starting to crack, and he hated it, “Cuz ya think I did? Some shit like this?”

 

“I don’t know Raph…all I know is…there’s three people I care about and someone’s going to get hurt and hurt badly. And sooner or later the truth will be out because it’s not like you two are sneaky.”

 

“And What is that supposed to mean?” Raph tried to keep his voice down and his tone straight. It was bad enough he felt like he was breaking. “We’ve been careful.”

 

“By missing training because you’re too busy staying out with Casey.” Leo rose a brow ridge at him as Raph snorted.

 

“We both know I’ve done that before.”

 

“And do you care to explain last week?” Leo gave him a long look as Raph tilted his head. “You come home from Casey, and you don’t even have your mask.”

 

“And that must have been so damn scandalous” Raph rolled his eyes as Leo dragged a hand over his face, and let out a huge breath.

 

“My point is...if Don knows, it’s because he found out,” Leo emphasized each word as Raph crossed his arms. “We’re ninjas. We aren’t oblivious to our surroundings” Leo continued as Raph rose his brow ridge at that statement. “Okay, everyone but Mikey isn’t oblivious.”

 

“Or maybe not…” Raph thought back and wondered if he wasn’t giving his baby brother enough credit.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Just...” He shook his head quickly, though the memory of Mikey saying something about April to him didn’t leave. “It’s nothing.” He saw the strange look Leo gave him, but only looked at him. “What?”

 

 

“All I’m saying is…” Leo gave him a steady look. “I don’t agree nor condone this, and if I need to, I will talk to April.”

 

“LEO!” Raph’s eyes widened at his brother, the small hold he was gaining on himself was slipping fast as his brother continued.

 

“I’m sorry, but even you heard them. They’re trying to work things out.” Leo reached out to touch him, but Raph hit his hand away. He watched Leo frown at him, but he didn’t care as he started to put space between them. “Raph, you know this is wrong.” He continued to look towards him, but Raph could only feel his fury rising at each word.

 

“You don’t know anything.” He growled, his fists clenching tightly, one still around the bags in his hand, as Leo looked away from him and began to make his way inside his room as he paused in the doorway

 

 

“I know there’s no honor in anything born of lies.” He spoke softly as Raph lunged at him without a thought as his mind screamed.

 

_Honor? Ya wanna to turn this shit into something to do with honor?_ He napped raging further as his fury met nothing but a locked door as he kicked at it.

 

“Fuck you, Leo!” He didn’t care who heard as he left for his room, slamming the door and dropping the bags to the floor. He paced, thinking to his older brother as his blood boiled with each thought. _Leo doesn’t get it, he never does. Mr. Perfect never would…_

 

He grabbed for the nearest thing in his room, throwing it towards the door as it crashed, and he ranted. “Perfect, dumb, stupid brother…” He cursed and raged as he grabbed one item after the next until his hand met the bags again. He breathed in, opening the two bags as he saw the two costumes inside.

 

One looked interesting, but the other caught his eye the most as a wicked grin came on his face. Without a thought, he undid his wrappings and took off his mask with the other gear before donning his costume. It was a snug fit, but he managed, making his way out his room to the main room.

 

Pumpkins, skeletons, gravestones and more all awaited him as his eyes drank in the set up that everyone put into place. He could see Don’s inventive nature in each section including the food and drinks that looked like something out a lab. He quickly spotted Leo in a samurai get up, that was of no surprise to him, nor was Mikey in his pizza costume. Music was playing though everyone was still mainly just talking.

 

He moved in closer, making his way to a candy bowl on the table as he heard a gasp next to him and he couldn’t keep from smirking. He purposely flexed as he moved to the chair, knowing the tight leather pants was leaving nothing to the imagination and Casey seemed to have a thing for his legs and thighs. He could imagine wearing the vest again, just because, but the boots were a bit annoying to him.

 

Casey’s eyes followed him around the room, never leaving as Raph made a show of every time he got up and went to sit down. The sight of Leo coming at him was no surprise as he picked out a toothpick and chewed on it as he sat down again.

 

 

“Raph, what are you wearing?” His brother looked over him and shook his head. “You look like some punk stripper…”

 

“Lighten up, Fearless. It’s a costume” Raph smirked, ignoring the glare Leo started to give him.

 

“What are you up to?”

 

“Nothin” Raph smirked more, glancing over as he saw Casey stare him down, and Raph got an idea as he moved to the floor. He let the music rule him as he moved to the beat, trying to make the outfit work with him. One glance again at Casey and he was surprised April was staring a bit, Casey’s look turned from leering to something else. His eyes became smoldering a suddenly the older man moved, and Raph was grabbed.

 

“Case?” He glanced at the man and could see he was seething as Casey pulled him out the lair through the garage opening and they continued going. “What the hell ya doin?” He knew he could top the man, but something about how Casey was taking charge was making his body feel hot all over. “Casey, wait!”

 

He didn’t have time to adjust as he was over the man’s shoulder and wondering what can of worms he just opened.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Have I caught your interest? If yes, then yay!


End file.
